An Empty House…

Guess that’s what I would be coming home to everyday now =( My dog and best friend Sniffer passed away today. Letting go is never easy for anyone and it has always been one of the hardest things I had to do. How do you be ok with the fact that someone who you saw every day and was with every day won’t be around anymore? Especially someone who was with you for almost 17 years! Yup that’s how long Sniffer lived with us. Probably one of the hardest responsibilities fell upon my shoulders today morning as I had to take my dog and lay him to rest at the crematory. God! Taking him there brought back memories of how I took Peggie there a few years back to lay her to rest when she passed over – it was like Déjà-vu. My heart couldn’t take the burden; it just kept getting heavier and heavier as I rode there on my bike with Sniffer close to my chest. I kept telling myself that it would be ok and that it was his time to go to a better place, and I was fine… till I put him down one final time. The tears didn’t stop. I couldn’t let go, I wouldn’t let go, but I had to… that’s what made it so hard. I stood there and saw 17 years, 17 years of love, 17 years of joy, a 17 years old bond go away in a few seconds. Then, there came the void. That painful feeling of being hollow and empty inside. It is with that feeling that I am putting this post up. In my final words I would just like to say this to my best friend. Sniffer I am so sorry that you had to leave. I do hope you lived a peaceful life here with us. Once again I am also so, so, sorry for those 2 times I hit you really bad. I really wish I could say more to you but these words would never reach you now. I wish I could say more to you but this pain inside is pulling me down. Please forgive me and thank you for letting me feed you one last time before you left and above all, Thank you for bringing me all the joy and happiness a man’s best friend ever could. I love you my dog, you will always be in my heart and until we meet, I will miss you. =(

Let me share a little somthing with ya now...oh

Baby girl tell me how the hell am i supposed to trust you now
After everything you admitted to me
And im sitting here tryna find a way to forget somehow
Cuz im feeling like you cut me too deep
Girl i blame myself cuz i told you "lay it on the line"
Never thought that you would lay it that way,
Never thought you had so much to say,
Never thought that i'd see the day
Where we'd almost cross the line between love and hate

Are you sure you told me everything
Even though it hurts im still listening
Im tryna take it like a man
And half way understand
Being hurt wasn't part of the plan

It was a heartbreaker...
Hearing things i didn't wanna hear from her
Now i'm thinking bout the things i did for her
Glad i never ever had no kids with her

This heartbreaker...
Cuz i damn near swallowed my tounge,
When she said it to me
Heart started pounding like a drum,
When she said it to me
Thought the truth was something i could take
But it wasn't supposed to feel like a heartbreak

Now the fact of the matter is I thought that i'd be cool
After everything you admitted to me
It's taking everything in me not to put my hands on you
Cuz im feeling like you cut me too deep
Girl i blame myself cuz i told you "lay it on the line"
Never thought that you would lay it that way,
Never thought you had so much to say,
Never thought that i'd see the day
Where we'd almost cross the line between love and hate

Are you sure you told me everything
(Dont need no surprises now)
Even though it hurts im still listening
(Im hurt and im tryna hide it ya'll)
Im tryna take it like a man
And half way understand
Being hurt wasn't part of the plan

It was a heartbreaker...
Hearing things i didn't wanna hear from her
Now i'm thinking bout the things i did for her
Glad i never ever had no kids with her

This heartbreaker...
Cuz i damn near swallowed my tounge,
When she said it to me
Heart started pounding like a drum,
When she said it to me
Thought the truth was something i could take
But it wasn't supposed to feel like a heartbreak

I had my share of broken hearts
But you, you took it too far
Cuz what you did to me it's so unpredictable
Girl you told me, but i wish i didn't know

Now why you wanna go and break me down, down
(Way down)
It's like im lost never to be found
(Feel dead like im six feet underground, ground)
You didn't have to tell me girl

Cuz i damn near swallowed my tounge,
When she said it to me
Heart started pounding like a drum,
When she said it to me
Thought the truth was something i could take
But it wasn't supposed to feel like a heartbreak

It was a heartbreaker...
Hearing things i didn't wanna hear from her
Now i'm thinking bout the things i did for her
Glad i never ever had no kids with her

Cuz i damn near swallowed my tounge,
When she said it to me
Heart started pounding like a drum,
When she said it to me
Thought the truth was something i could take
But it wasn't supposed to feel like a heartbreak

I see smiles and happiness. I see love and comfort. I see security and loyalty. I see peace and harmony. I see commitment. I see dreams become reality. I see successful careers. I see satisfaction. I see togetherness.

I see frowns and sorrow. I see heartache and discomfort. I see insecurity and disloyalty. I see war and dissonance. I see availability. I see shattered dreams. I see unsuccessful careers. I see dissatisfaction. I see loneliness.

What good is your vision in the dark???

The trials and tribulations that occur these days have had nothing short of disastrous effects upon my already weakened soul. These days my thoughts never leave me a moment of solace. It’s like wave after wave – lashing - hurting – destroying and sapping the essence of happiness straight out of my spirit. It’s like I have been dealt a hand filled with jokers and blank cards and I’m trying to figure out why? Is there a reason for such a deal? If I am to play my cards right then are these right cards? Am I supposed to take the risk of staying in the game or am I supposed to fold? Lord please do not forsake me. Fill my soul with courage that’s meant, fill my soul with guidance and not strength. Spare me these moments of hurt and pain; spare me your mercy from which I refrain.

WOW!!! For real??? I'll take 3 of them!!! hahaha =D I love you Big Baazaar... wonder whatelse you guys have to offer so cheap... hahahahaha =D RIDICULOUS!!!

Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna
Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna
Angana phool khilege
Barsega saawan, barsega saawan
Jhoom jhoom ke
Do dil aise milenge
Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna
Angana phool khilege

Naina tere kajrare
Naino pe hum dil hare hai
Anjane hi tere naino ne
Waade kiye kaie saare hai
Saanso he leher madam chale
To tu kahe barsega saawan
Barsega saawan jhoom jhoom ke
Do dil aise milenge

Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna
Angana phool khilege

Chanda ko uta lakho mein
Yeh zindagi tere haton mein
Palko pe jil mil tare hai
Aana bahri barsato mein
Sapno ka jahan
Hoga khila khila
Barsega saawan, barsega saawan
Jhoom jhoom ke
Do dil aise milenge

Its Christmas time! Today is Christmas Eve and my Christmas spirit is drowning in the depths of my sorrows, misery and helplessness. Today is Christmas Eve and I will overcome my emotions and issues to celebrate the birth of Christ and live devoid of how bad, sad and frustrated I feel. Its time to spread the love around and that is exactly what I will do. Wait… haven’t I being doing that already? Merry Chrstmas everyone. Peace, Happiness and Love to all.

How you ever felt happy whilst sorrow makes its mark on your face? I just did when I heard a very old song by the Backstreet Boys. Was busy working on my assignment and the music was on Shuffle. That song just caught me by surprise. My initial reaction was to change the song, cause quite frankly I don’t like to reminiscence about my past, but then again I don’t wanna run away either. Listening to that song only made me realize that there are a lot of things that I haven’t completely dealt with in my past. A lot of things that should have been done were not done. A lot of things that needed to be said were not said. Anger gripped my senses and yet I was still mellow about these thoughts, simply because it brought back the best times of my life in college. My biggest problem is that the sweetest memories are the most painful ones. I can’t let them go simply because they are the only ones that matter the most to me. So until I don’t find a solution to this - I’ll just have to live with them. Thank God I'm heading out to Pune for the weekend, just wanna destress and most of all... rest.

Tears roll down my cheeks for you girl.
I feel your pain.
I feel your loss.
I feel you baby.
Does it still haunt you? Does it still hurt?
Well then hold my hand.
Let's move on with the LOVE I have for you.
Trust me baby I ain't gonna play you like them fools and you know that.

Ay yo you...now see most cats would take advantage of you right now
But I aint gonna do that
I'ma give you the game right
I'ma give it to you because
I would want somebody to give my lil girl the game
When she done found her S-E-X

Life's a trip
Virgin just turned 17 and finally got some hips
Hustla's on the block go crazy when you lick your lips
But they just want relations they don't want relationships
Welcome to the real world
It aint the same
Fellas old enough to be yo daddy know your name
Everybody's talkin about how much that girl done changed
Can't quite put your finger on it but you feel it's strange
LIke it's fire in your veins

Girl that's just ur S-E-X
Mama's secret
And daddy's gon' go crazy when he finds out that his baby
Found her S-E-X
Take a deep breath
and think before you let it go

The block is packed
Baby got an attitude and proud to holla back
Mama's givin advice but she aint tryin to hear that
Not because it's wrong, just her delivery is whack
"Shaye get yo behind in this house
If I see you with another boy I swear..."
Life is rough
You say that you're not ready for sex but you're in love
He says if you really loved him you would give it up
Mama says thats just a line guys use to get yo stuff
Which one will you trust

Aye yo Lyfe, she might take it better comin from a woman
See he'll tell you all kind of things to get in your pants, yeah
Baby it's a fact that once it's gone you'll never get it back
Hold on to your innocence, use your common sense, you're worth waiting for
Be strong, honey don't give in, blessings come with patience
Till we meet again I'm prayin for you

Denver... why are you so green?

Which Family Guy Character Are You?
	You are part Quagmire. There's only one word for people like you: Pervert.
	You are part Brian. You are smart, sophisticated, and somewhat of an alcoholic.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Disney Hero Are You?
	You are Aladdin. You don't have much in life and you couldn't be more happy. Based on your background and history people often misjudge you, but you will soon show that you are a hero in a plain man's clothing. Until then, brush up on your singing and laughing because they will get you through some hard times ahead.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Trying something new... worked on this video for about 3 hours or so and came up with just 38 secs of footage. Working on a project that i will upload when 'that' time arrives... till then here is my work for your viewing pleasure.

Today is one of my most painful days in life. My dearest, closest best friend passed away. Her name, Peggie (my dog). I remember the time when she first came home to me. I did not take a liking to her immediately as I didn’t want to have another dog besides Sniffer in my life. She was quite weak and very thin. Out of the 4 legs she had, one of them (the front right leg) was shorter than the rest. But looking at the innocence on her face and the want to be loved just a little bit earned her a soft spot in my heart. After that day my love for her grew bigger and stronger. Peggie taught me so much. How to love unconditionally and how to make people smile without the use of words. Without the gift of speech she spoke aloud with her actions. She was always energetic, except when the little lady wanted her space to get her ZZZzzz’s, but I was always welcomed to be with her at anytime. She came into my life when she was but a mere pup who fit easily into both my palms and who put herself to sleep by rolling up into a small fur ball. Over the years she grew into a fine pooch and shared alotta similar traits with me. We both hated kids and we both are afraid of fire-crackers. She was so close to me that she was jealous everytime I was with my ex’s. My ex’s and I could never be close to each other in the house, simply because Peggie would be spying on the two of us. We actually had to keep a reasonable amount of distance between us when we were around Peggie.

I remember the all the times Peggie welcomed me when I came home. Be it a tiresome day after work or after a long vacation, every welcome from her made me feel better and revived my spirit. Today 24th October 2007, for the first time I wished I could have done the same for her. I wished I could get her back and tell her how much I love her and Thank her for all the wonderful memories she gave me. I miss her so much right now. I came home and saw her lying on a bed spread motionless. I got down on my knees and the tears didn’t stop while the heartache grew without a moments pause. From the time I got the news that she passed away till that moment I could step into the house, I couldn’t believe it. But then looking at her like that made it a reality – she had passed away. All I could do then is pull whatever was still remaining of my shattered self, together and do what needed to be done. With a heavy heart I wrapped my dog’s body in a white towel and took her to be cremated at Parle hospital. This was the last trip I’d make with her and I kept her in my arms all the time – weeping for my loss. As I walking up to the cremation building my heart grew heavier and the pain became stronger. I didn’t feel like taking another step, not only because each step hurt and made me bleed inside, but each step added to the distance between Peggie and me. Each step made took us closer towards the building and farther from each other. I kept her on the table and spoke to her for the last time which lasted only 5 minutes. I hugged her so hard that I didn’t want let go. You are my dog and I don’t think it’s time for you to go – at least not yet Peggie – is all that I kept saying to her in my head. At the end of it all I had to play the hardest part of letting her go as I placed her onto the cremation trolly. Doing that broke me completely! As her body was rolled in and the door shut itself a part of me died inside. I lost my dog today – I lost my friend today – I lost a part of my heart – I lost my loved one – I lost my dear Peggie doggie.

My dearest Peggie - I will love you and cherish our moments together. Yes you will be deeply missed and I only wish I had one more chance to tell you how much you mean to me and the joy you brought into my life. Thank you Peggie. May your soul be at peace. I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST DOGGIE!!!