Denver... why are you so green?

Which Family Guy Character Are You?
	You are part Quagmire. There's only one word for people like you: Pervert.
	You are part Brian. You are smart, sophisticated, and somewhat of an alcoholic.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Disney Hero Are You?
	You are Aladdin. You don't have much in life and you couldn't be more happy. Based on your background and history people often misjudge you, but you will soon show that you are a hero in a plain man's clothing. Until then, brush up on your singing and laughing because they will get you through some hard times ahead.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Trying something new... worked on this video for about 3 hours or so and came up with just 38 secs of footage. Working on a project that i will upload when 'that' time arrives... till then here is my work for your viewing pleasure.

Today is one of my most painful days in life. My dearest, closest best friend passed away. Her name, Peggie (my dog). I remember the time when she first came home to me. I did not take a liking to her immediately as I didn’t want to have another dog besides Sniffer in my life. She was quite weak and very thin. Out of the 4 legs she had, one of them (the front right leg) was shorter than the rest. But looking at the innocence on her face and the want to be loved just a little bit earned her a soft spot in my heart. After that day my love for her grew bigger and stronger. Peggie taught me so much. How to love unconditionally and how to make people smile without the use of words. Without the gift of speech she spoke aloud with her actions. She was always energetic, except when the little lady wanted her space to get her ZZZzzz’s, but I was always welcomed to be with her at anytime. She came into my life when she was but a mere pup who fit easily into both my palms and who put herself to sleep by rolling up into a small fur ball. Over the years she grew into a fine pooch and shared alotta similar traits with me. We both hated kids and we both are afraid of fire-crackers. She was so close to me that she was jealous everytime I was with my ex’s. My ex’s and I could never be close to each other in the house, simply because Peggie would be spying on the two of us. We actually had to keep a reasonable amount of distance between us when we were around Peggie.

I remember the all the times Peggie welcomed me when I came home. Be it a tiresome day after work or after a long vacation, every welcome from her made me feel better and revived my spirit. Today 24th October 2007, for the first time I wished I could have done the same for her. I wished I could get her back and tell her how much I love her and Thank her for all the wonderful memories she gave me. I miss her so much right now. I came home and saw her lying on a bed spread motionless. I got down on my knees and the tears didn’t stop while the heartache grew without a moments pause. From the time I got the news that she passed away till that moment I could step into the house, I couldn’t believe it. But then looking at her like that made it a reality – she had passed away. All I could do then is pull whatever was still remaining of my shattered self, together and do what needed to be done. With a heavy heart I wrapped my dog’s body in a white towel and took her to be cremated at Parle hospital. This was the last trip I’d make with her and I kept her in my arms all the time – weeping for my loss. As I walking up to the cremation building my heart grew heavier and the pain became stronger. I didn’t feel like taking another step, not only because each step hurt and made me bleed inside, but each step added to the distance between Peggie and me. Each step made took us closer towards the building and farther from each other. I kept her on the table and spoke to her for the last time which lasted only 5 minutes. I hugged her so hard that I didn’t want let go. You are my dog and I don’t think it’s time for you to go – at least not yet Peggie – is all that I kept saying to her in my head. At the end of it all I had to play the hardest part of letting her go as I placed her onto the cremation trolly. Doing that broke me completely! As her body was rolled in and the door shut itself a part of me died inside. I lost my dog today – I lost my friend today – I lost a part of my heart – I lost my loved one – I lost my dear Peggie doggie.

My dearest Peggie - I will love you and cherish our moments together. Yes you will be deeply missed and I only wish I had one more chance to tell you how much you mean to me and the joy you brought into my life. Thank you Peggie. May your soul be at peace. I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST DOGGIE!!!

I just got back from my best friends “after marriage” dinner. I apparently reach there pretty late but still made it for dinner. The worst part is that I kinda put in alotta tonic into my system. Yes I am depressed because this past week has been nothing short of brutal, painful and harsh in every aspect possible, but that isn’t the reason as to why I did what I did. It’s quite hilarious when I think about it. I have had 4 glasses of rum, 1 bottle of beer and 4 glasses of Bacardi and I can still hold my own. Yes I am buzzed (who wouldn’t be) after my toxic episode but then again all my thoughts still keep me awake at this hour in the night =( God there is so much inside that’s hurting so firkin bad and I wonder when things will get better. When will I find my smile again =( suffered existence here I come…

Just got back home. Overloaded with emotions that’s broken me so bad inside that I can’t explain. Fuck I’ve got tears in my eyes right now. I’m so fucked up! Even the firkin Morgan isn’t putting me to sleep. This is probably one of the worst case scenarios I’ve had in my life. I can’t type anything more… I’m just gonna teary eye myself to sleep tonight. Father forgive…

When it rains... it pours!!! =(

Food, tasteless… Smiles, pretension… Joy, sacrificed… Comfort, yearning… Warmth, need… Strength, lost… Weak, heart… Leave, don’t… =(

I am making progress on the path I tread but its like walking in the fog. No clue about where I am? Everything around me is unclear. It is cold out here and inside my mind emptiness and loneliness run around like they are here to stay. More unanswered questions, more disturbing thoughts, more distress and more eeriness grips my senses with every breath of air I inhale. I sense an eventful outcome that'll bring joy and sorrow together, lurking amongst the shadows. Feel like I am forsaken and find no solace in my disturbed state of existence. Father! Forgive me. Thank you father for the warmth you bestowed upon me whilst in your arms. It gave me strength, it gave me peace, it gave me love, it gave me time, it gave me space, it gave me joy, it gave me rest, it gave me support, it gave me faith, it gave me… life!

It’s so easy for my emotions to be unnerved, and then the thought of whether I am actually strong comes as a reality check. Another teary eyed morning, another sense of eeriness lurks amidst my thoughts, scaring the very fabric that holds me together, my strength. What makes me weak? Is it the past that I keep reminding myself about time and time again? Maybe it is, but somehow I can’t seem to let it go. I want to cry but for some strange reason after the episode of tears are over, I look upon myself with disrespect and selfpity (btw this holds true only for myself as this isn’t how I feel when it comes to other people. I don’t look at others with disrespect when they cry, I can’t do that to others but I can do that to myself). I have this attitude that I cannot cry as it’ll make me weak. Crying achieves nothing; it’s just your body’s reaction to an emotionally painful experience. Laughing has its perks that aids in the bodies functionality, but what does crying do… hmmm… I wonder?

Does your mind go apathetic when it comes to me? Over time, does the enthusiasm level diminish? Are connections once held strong by the bonds of trust, which withstood the tests of time, severed? Are the pressures, crunches and ordeals that I face, monotonic in nature? Or have I made them monotonic? I wouldn’t mind adopting apathy at this stage in my life because every emotion of happiness isn’t embraced. I am fevered every time loved ones are around yet the freedom of expression is curtailed either by words or actions. I wonder who I am. Sometimes I can't recognise the face I see in the mirror. Each new day now, comes as an extension of my depression swallowing my spirit and trapping my soul. Yet I continue treading my path of existence devoid of self-satisfaction.

Understanding and Comprehending. Apparently these two words are bothering me to the core for the past 2-3 weeks. I understand, but at the same time I’m not sure whether I do. I comprehend and yet am unable to comprehend. Very tempted to give up because I’ve actually had enough, yet I battle on and do my best to resist that temptation as I stroll down a path filled with frustration, bewilderment and turmoil on every turn. Helplessness seems to be the only one around for support and much to my dismay I have embraced it. Strength, Peace of mind and Comfort are dreams on the distant horizon which will probably dissolve like the setting sun and I’ll stand at the shore with a dying hope of the sun to rise again. Darkness clouds my heart as it goes weary with time. I feel choked and suffocate, desperately trying to gasp for a fresh breath of air to revive my drooping spirit. Deeper and deeper I fall into the abyss of misery, wonder who, what and when will it all end. Unable to express, my emotions are running dry. My cheerful zeal withers like the leaves of a magnificent oak far from the end of its existence.

Yeah it’s that time again when sorrow fills my heart and the pain is unbearable =( I don’t quite understand things and I wonder if I ever will. Now I’ve been battling this for a very long time and I thought, as time went by I’d get stronger, alas that isn’t the case. I seriously can’t understand what’s hurting inside, and I wonder whether I deserve this punishment? Maybe I’m just paranoid about things. My life, my future… but then again I’m on the right course and I’m getting places that I had never gone before. I am happy with where I am but then again am I happy? There’s an absence I feel. What am I looking for? Maybe I want something more? Or maybe I’ve got way too much to handle at the moment? Yeah I can say that I’m a little overwhelmed with issues and a few people around me. I find it a little funny when I think about it, because something that happened shouldn’t matter in the present, isn’t it? It’s strange how the past resurfaces. Sometimes it brings back happiness or sorrow or both together or one followed by the other. Each of them have their own value when reminiscing. Some prefer to remember the good times and move on whereas some prefer to remember the bad times so that they don’t make the same mistakes again. When I think of the past I don’t know on which side I’m supposed to be on. Cause to me they both appear to be the same. Or do they? I mean I can think about the good times and / or the bad times and be happy / sad about it at the same time. Maybe that’s the issue. I’m unable to analyze things properly or maybe I’m having an issue choosing. I live a simple life and wonder how things get so complicated in an instant? Maybe I’m still immature and have a lot to learn? But then again I can understand things equally well; it’s just swallowing the truth and practicality that I’m having an issue with. I know I can be practical and handle the truth… or am I just fooling myself?

Breath-taking, Awe-frikin-some, Outstanding, Amazing, Eye-popping, Jaw dropping, Captivating, Over-whelming are just some of the words that come to mind when I sit and reminiscence about those moments I went for Transformers. YES MOMENTS I WENT FOR TRANSFORMERS!!! 3 days, 3 shows, 3 different rows… and I’m still waiting for one more. That being, me getting my hands on the DVD for Transformers. I had been waiting for the day Transformers was gonna release and that day finally arrived. Watching that movie truly made me realize that patience is truly a virtue. I could have watched the movie before its release date (cause I got my hands on the copy of the movie before its release) but thanks to my own self control and a little help from dear ones, I was able to enjoy the full movie experience. 17th August 2007, 10:00am gave me my hearts desire and filled me with tears of joy. I have a lot I can put down on the site about the movie but I’ll sum it up in a few words.

GO FOR TRANSFORMERS IF YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT ALREADY. Hahahhaa… kiddin...

What can I say about the movie? I’m a transformer fan right from the start. I remember back in the school days, when cable was new and not many people knew about cartoons that aired themselves early in the morning, I was the one that stood out from the crowd. I clearly remember waking up at 04:30 everyday and setting up the VCR to record Transformers which aired at 05:00 then going to school and talking about it to people who in return acknowledge my words with a big question mark above their heads. That was like my early morning ritual everyday just like brushing your teeth. But then my heart broken when they pulled Transformers off the air and replaced it with some other cartoons (which couldn’t be compared to Transformers), which then eventually got pulled off the air for an even more crappy show (which is even worse than the crappy cartoon) and then later on it just went Hindi! (Ok I’ll stop here otherwise it’s profanity all the way ahead). But just like Optimus Prime said, “All is not lost!” it finally arrived. I got my hands on some neat episodes of Transformers and ultimately the movie came out after a very loooooooong anticipated waiting period. 10 for CG, 8 for BMG (because I thought that they would put a lot of the other tracks in the movie instead of the ones they actually used), 6 on the love story between Sam and Makela (which was sad, but who gives a flying F*&^ about that, I just wanted to see the transformers babie). Overall a solid 10 on the WOW meter! Sweet firkin rides – I clearly remember the first movie experience. I yelled my ass off so loud that I was one with the sound system in the theatre. There were other contenders like myself which simply multiplied to the movie experience. It’s nice to be around people who share the same interest like yourself especially in a place where people don’t know where you are coming from and who find it hard to understand what The Matrix was all about. (Yeah go figure?) The only sad part about the movie is that it didn’t get the recognition it deserved. Not many people knew about the movie until they saw it, and after they saw it they were truly more-than-satisfied.

They’ve got a second part to the movie in production but I don’t know how far that is true, nevertheless if it’s gonna release I’ll know exactly what to do… =)

Lost! Life in one moment – Death in the next. One year back Mumbai was sapped of many innocent lives. It’s painful when I sit to think about it. I was walking out of Churchgate station today on my way to work and saw this little shrine like thingie put up in memory of the victims to last years tragic event. I remember that day – I was gonna take the train to Kandivali from Bandra. I decided to leave in the afternoon but got delayed by laziness. On the way to the station at about 17:00ish I decided to take the bus instead. Reached Kandivali at about 18:15 or so and was at a shop buying some XBOX DVD’s when I heard some clown shout that there has been a bombing around close by. He didn’t say where or when. I ignored the fool as she spoke quite causally about it and made it seem like it was a diwali firecracker. I had no clue what that statement actually meant. On my path home, I tried to call my friend Craig since it was his birthday and we were supposed to party that very same night. The networks were down. I got home to Kandivali and then tried dialing his number from the land line but that was no use either. My attention then turned to the TV and that’s when it hit me. I couldn’t believe something of this magnitude had happened. The death toll only rose by the minute and didn’t show signs of stopping at triple digits. My heart beat with fear and then in an instant panic sank in. I tried to call all my dear ones but to no avail. Since the lines were down I decided to text people but all efforts proved futile. In the end all I could do - was pray. I took a rick back home and met up with Craig and his buddies. All we did that night was scrap the party plan, parked on Carters and discussed the shocking event that had taken place. Before we could call it a night we hung our heads down in silence for all the victims and prayed that strength and comfort find their way to the homes of the lives extinguished.

With that being said I would like to reciprocate in that same manner today. I put this post up on my blog in memory of the ones we lost and to the families still in grief of their loss while chugging along with life with pain and hurt. I will never feel nor understand the depths of what it feels like to loose someone to an event so tragic. But when I sit down in all honesty to think about it, it brings a tear to my eye. I pray that the hand of God bring comfort and his power give strength to people who need it the most today.

On a personal note I would also like to say this to the people reading this post. If I know you or have known you in the past, I would like to say I hope you are well and safe. To the people dearest to me – For what it’s worth, Thank You for giving me in the past/ giving in the present all the smiles and joy you bring. I LOVE YOU. Be well always.

Love – Denver.

I didn't want to thank you cause you'll probably take my life so just to show you that i appreciate all that you've done for me over the years i'm putting this post up just for you ma hommie... it was fun catching up with Dheru-beta and yourself yesterday... Oh but i must say thank you for that can of Fosters. You gave it to me at the time when i was so frikin thirsty that i glupped it down too fast and got a frikin buzz... anyways hangin out and chillin' with ya just brought back some sweet old memories... stay in touch ma brudha... you truly are ma brudha from anudha mudha... much love and respect to you brah... much love and respect...