(singing)On the first day of Christmas,my true love sent to me. A partridge in a pear tree =)

Thoughts - Confusing. Weird. Disturbing. Perplexing. Want to make them stop. Yet unable to do so. Feelings - Restless. Sadness. Pain. Discomfort. Want to feel better. Yet unable to do so.

BTW - Got a job.

I’m a little disturbed right now as I put this post up. I stepped into the house at about 00:35 and it’s like 01:03 and I am unable to sleep. Saw a terrible, terrible accident between a 6 wheeler truck, an autorickshaw and a car that was completely unrecognizable. My best guess is that it was a purple Fiat Palio. The car was crushed into almost half its size. I was too afraid to look at anything else because apparently the bodies from the whole Carter Road incident gripped my thoughts. And I know there was definitely going to be casualties; I mean the firkin 6 wheeler was a mess by itself. The rickshaw apparently didn’t get as badly damaged as the car. As I passed by the wreckage I could smell diesel and petrol. There were small pieces of glass all over the place. I think the media had got to the scene, will probably check the tabloids tomorrow. I hope no one was hurt. As I rode back home I only thought about how short life can be for anyone. I almost got clipped by an asshole speeding around in his Toyota Corolla a little later on. So the whole accident incident and the whole Corolla idiot, almost sending me on a one way ticket to hell/heaven, made me realize everything can change in a moment. I was just thinking (I know I shouldn’t be) if that Corolla guy had to clip me, if my life had to end tonight – pretty scary thought. Well its incidents like this that make me ride more safely. For all of you guys and girls who think speed thrills – wish you could have seen what I saw at Carter Road that night and tonight. Think about it, SERIOUSLY. Oh in addition to which if there is anything that you need to do or say then don’t wait. I know I have already told all of my friends what they mean to me, but incase they have forgotten then they will know it all over again this Christmas.

Hmmm… chatting… I don’t understand a few things about chatting, especially when it comes to women. A few of them that I chat with come across as very talkative (actually most of them are… lol). Anyways I chat (via the internet) with them occasionally and it is quite amazing. I simply do not get it… Check out this conversation I had with one such woman.

[11:25] outkast_ryder: good... so what are you up too??? Listen if you wanna get a date for the Christmas party then please be my guest...
[11:25] sweetprincess_002002: no re
[11:26] sweetprincess_002002: I don’t ve ny1 :(
[11:26] outkast_ryder: well then get lucky... you are a woman, so use that God given advantage
[11:26] sweetprincess_002002: matlab??
[11:27] outkast_ryder: whatever you wanna make of it... and please type more instead of one question answers... :@
[11:28] sweetprincess_002002: I didn’t get what do u want to say...
[11:28] outkast_ryder: oh Christ... I give up :(

I always have these long sentences and they always seem to have weird one question answers to everything. Even the most, simplest question leaves them perplexed. I wonder why they do what they do. Well guess that’s why people say that God’s creations are amazingly surprising.

I am turning over a new leaf in my life. Just gonna be a better person, better friend, better human being. There’s a car exhibition at BKC (Bandra Kurla Complex). Amazing cars on display! I never thought that I would come close to a Lamborghini Gallardo, well guess again. I clearly remember the way I paused in the moment when my eyes fell upon so divine a sight. In addition to which there were alotta sweet rides. Will be going with a couple of friends on Sunday for the exhibition again to get some pics. Once I have them I’ll put them up on the site. I am planning a little Christmas party with friends and the road ahead, on that front, looks really bright. Hope everything turns out well. Can’t wait for Christmas.

How do I tell you?
My true feelings inside,
It bothers me so much,
And so I make them hide.

I wanna come to you,
And tell you my fears,
But now I feel that,
You won’t understand my tears.

Maybe I’ll tell you,
To hold me close,
Maybe I want you to say,
I do where no one else knows.

I’ve realized that things change,
Even though they lie on the ground,
Like a small round pebble,
That you keep throwing around.

Which pebble I speak of,
Are you sure you wanna hear?
That pebble is our friendship,
Yet I hold you oh so dear.

And I’m sure you do too.
BECAUSE I make you feel that way,
Too bad you ain’t reciprocating,
Otherwise this, I wouldn’t have to say.

You should be the cure,
Not suffering in disguise.
I thought you were here to heal,
And not cause pain in my life.

I so want us to be,
And I wish that you wouldn’t strife,
Cause every time you’re not there,
Your absence maims my life.

Yes I am harsh,
With the words I use today,
Every action has a reaction,
Do I need more to say?

And after hurting you,
I’ll still come and cry,
And ask you for forgiveness,
Seeing that tear in your eye.

Perplexity to you,
Apparently is fun,
Wonder how you’d feel,
If someone did it to you hun?

Hmm… what do you make of it when I say I need my time? 100% said that I need to be alone with myself… not if you think about it on another level (like I am). Why would I ask you such a question? If you can answer that then you know exactly what I mean. And it’s not like you don’t know, you know but either you are a little too busy to deal with such thoughts or find such thoughts irrelevant to answer or ponder upon. So I guess I won’t ask, forgive me for doing so as well. This is my final apology to you. Maybe all you need me to do is keep you happy and smiling all the while, which I will still do UNCODITIONALLY. Firstly because it make me happy when I see you smile and secondly because maybe I know what you mean when you say, ‘I need my time.’

Hmm… what am I thinking about right now? I ponder over a sequence of events that have occurred today and wonder about whether I may have done the right thing? Or may have not done the right thing? Quite frankly I am lost. Today when I sit to think of my personality I wonder who I am. Everyone changes based on their surroundings or situation in order to survive. Some even try to adapt. We exist today because of our primal instinct of change and adaptation.

Change = an event that occurs when something passes from one state or phase to another
Adapt = conform oneself to new or different conditions

Does that mean change results in adaptation? Or is adaptation kind of like a reflex to change? Or is change actually adaptation? Honestly, I don’t know whether I am supposed to change or adapt given a situation. There are times where it demands that I change and there are times where it demands that I adapt. Just trying to figure out what needs to be done gets me all confused. I don’t even know if I am making sense right now. I feel like I don’t know who I really am anymore. When I ask people who I am to them I get… you are a nice guy, very sweet, understanding, caring, loving, comforting, jovial, fun, easy going, charming etc. (btw these are the terms that I have heard more than I can count so I am not boasting) But those same people say that I can be difficult, very bad, not understanding, mean, stubborn, etc (yes these too are the terms that I have heard a couple of times but they are countable. However these I have heard the least… still not boasting). So what do I do given the later half of the situation? (the bad part of being difficult and all that jazz) Do I change or adapt? If I change, I result into someone I am not. If I adapt then again I am resulting into someone I am not. Either ways I am going to evolve into someone I am not, but yet I sit to think about whether I am supposed to change or adapt. They say change is good and they say that change isn’t good as well (this being with reference to the person that you are). When confronted on that statement they re-arrange the sentence by adding a new line saying that A little change is good and too much of a change is bad. So how much is a little and how much is too much, that is what I would like to know. Why does life get so confusing at times I wonder? It is fun they say, that’s how one should live their life… by having fun. Agreed! One must enjoy themselves in their journey through life. But at the same time not everything is all fun and games. Hmmm… today has been a very stressful day indeed. The only time I actually felt elevated from my troubles is when I looked into the dark midnight sky and saw the stars. Anyways I am sleepy and I’m going to sleep and try not to think about this… at least for now.

We kind of celebrated Children’s Day. I pushed it one step towards stupidity. I kinda put on some lip stick and went on a kissing spree. Too bad I only managed to get 4 of them. 2 guys and 2 girls (no names sorry). Anyways Happy Children’s Day to who ever reads this post. By the way the girlfriend only wrote the words and that's my smooch mark on his back.

Wow. I didn’t know that I actually had so much of anger suppressed inside of me. Not that I let it all out today but it kind of surfaced when I spoke to a friend. For some strange reason I try to seek comfort when bothered most. What bother’s me is – ME! Apparently I have become my own worst enemy and I need to get that turned around. In addition to which I’ve been too busy wasting my time over issues that matter a lot to me but apparently now isn’t the time to be dealing with them issues. On the 11th of November 2006 I went for a bike ride to Panvel at some “Dhabba”. Boy it was cold and my hands went numb. In addition to which I kinda touched 110Kmph on my brothers CBZ. Not the wisest thing that I would have done seeing as how I was cold and, ESPECIALLY when the person behind you is the one most dear to you. Sorry Rice but henceforth I’ll stick to 50Kmph wherever we go. The ride was nice with Rice ;) I was riding on my way back home today and was enjoying the 40Kmph ride back. The weather’s getting cooler and Christmas is fast approaching. My worries still grip the best of me and I so want to get that out the door before Christmas. There are a few things that do linger in my head and now since I want to hit the sack I’m just going to stop here for the day. If it gets the best of me I’ll post. Infact I’ll be doing a lot of it.

I like the way you laugh,
I like the way you stare,
I like the way you make me dream,
Every time you’re not there.

I like the way you hurt me,
And confuse me till the core,
I like the way you put up with me,
Even when I’m such a bore.

I’d wish I knew what’s on your mind,
Every time you look that way,
And when I stop to question you,
You’ll just be silent and sway.

I like the conversations we do have,
That lasts till we depart,
Wish that we could sit right there,
And time wouldn’t tear us apart.

I feel this joy that was once lost,
And now I’ve found again,
So here's my little sonnet to you,
Saying Thank You Rice my friend.

I went for Garfield 2. What a lovely movie. I like it because of Odie more than Garfield. Overall the movie was nice but I love ODIE!!! He’s such an adorable, cuddly doggie. A must watch for people who love their dogs. I’m gonna go for the movie again. Garfield The Movie (the first movie) was even more hilarious with Odie doing his little hind leg dance. I LOVE YOU ODIE!!! I mean no matter how bad Garfield treats him, he still loves Garfield and tolerates his acts with a smile. (Hmmm!!! I too seem to be doing something similar with someone I know.. >=D....) That dog’s expressions were caught on camera perfectly. I love dogs. They truly are man’s best friend. I cannot picture my life without having a pet dog. I’ve always had a pet dog ever since I can remember. Yeah it gets devastating when they have to depart into the spiritual world. That’s the hardest part for me.

They say in friendship you share everything - your joy, your sorrow, your ups and your downs. Me - I push it one step further - I’ll even share a cold with you. I always wanted to do something weird and so I did. Apparently the one from whom I was supposed to get a cold from, didn’t infect me completely. When I sit to think about it, I can’t actually recall when was the last time I fell ill. Nothing significant happening these days. Life’s becoming a drag. I have got down to studies and I just want these exams to get over with so that I can chill for Christmas. When I think about Christmas it just gets me all excited. I LOVE CHRISTMAS… it’s my favourite festival and winter is my favourite season. Can’t wait…

I am feeling a little sad and hurt inside… I wonder what does one do when something bothers them deep inside. Do they keep it to themselves or speak to someone about it so that it helps them feel better or find a solution? Different people – different opinions. I fear telling someone what I truly feel inside cause the one person who I’d like to say them to would probably be the wrong one. I could try but then again I know what the outcome of the conversation would be, so I’ll skip it. I’m gonna take this opportunity to deal with my own issues with myself rather than having someone tell me what to do. I mean after all I am in charge of my own life. If I need help then I’ll learn to help myself. On the other side I’m also trying to build up my tolerance, patients and suppress my anger levels. There are something’s that people say that really upset and disturb me a lot but I don’t tell them. Cause when I do then they feel that I’m being either stupid about it or I’m just too emotional. (so much for respecting me and my feelings) Anyways I ain’t gonna fret. So I’ll just build up on the tolerance levels so that tomorrow they can say whatever they want and it won’t affect me. The world can be a cruel place and I ain’t as cruel as the world is. I ain’t about that…

Little Man is a nice movie. I enjoyed the movie and not to mention the company I went with was great as well >=) girl you know who you are!!! Shoutout to my girl,"Thank You! It's been a while since I have actually re-lived moments like the ones shared yesterday." (Not that the other moments didn't have any value. They sure do.) Haven’t walked on the beach for a while now and haven’t gone to Aksa beach in a very, very long time. Did just about all that yesterday. I’ve been tryin to watch “Dune” (an old sci-fi movie) but haven’t actually sat through the entire movie. Let’s see what am I doing right now? We’ll I’m off to watch “Dune”. Boy I'm feeling a little dazzed. Yesterday ended pretty well also. There was a special dinner at 01:30 in the morning. It’s been a while since I’ve had dinner with a special friend that late in the night. Shoutout to Munchie, ”Missed you during the whole separation period. And I’m glad that I’m with you just like what we were before. Happy to know that we are still close friends. And for that I thank you!!”

If I fell in love with YOU,
Would YOU promise to be true?
And help ME understand,
'Cause I've been in love before,
And I've found that love is more,
That just holding hands.

If I give MY heart to YOU,
I must be sure from the very start,
That YOU would love ME more than "her".

If I trust in YOU, oh please,
Don’t run and hide,
If I love YOU too, oh please,
Don’t hurt MY pride like "her".

'Cause I couldn't stand the pain,
And I would be sad,
If OUR new love was in vain.

So I hope YOU see, that I,
Would love to love YOU!
And that "she" will cry,
When "she" learns WE are two.

'Cause I couldn't stand the pain,
And I would be sad,
If OUR new love was in vain.

So I hope YOU see, that I,
Would love to love YOU!
And that "she" will cry,
When "she" learns WE are two.
If I fell in love with YOU?

?????.... and so they continue... Why (I keep asking myself) is it that I keep wondering and trying to understand something I shouldn’t even bother about? If anyone (who knows me) can answer this question then please let me know. Above all I just can’t seem to easily let go of something. Strange… All I can say is that I am truly a persistent buffoon in search for answers to questions that keep me up at night. Even if a question makes absolutely no sense, I’d still want to know why it made no sense in the first place. I had a few questions about an issue discussed today which left me with even more questions in my head. Came home, got a decent explanation and now for some well earned ZZZzzzz…... I guess it is the hunt for answers that makes life interesting…. Or… is it the question ????????.....

I lie in stress,
As thoughts run by,
About a few events,
And I wonder why?

The truth to me,
Is vivid yet unclear,
What am I to believe,
Is the truth far from near?

Questions keep arising,
Never seem to stop,
Questions quite wierd,
Just like the feelings they've brought.

Advice I sought,
And Sighed profound,
Adept I must,
To things to be found.

Ponder so hard?
On something unclear,
Am I Wasting time?
Or am I fooling myself here?

I got the bike fixed and did a good amount of riding on the very first day. In addition to which I got a chance to hangout with my brother (which I hardly get a chance to). It was fun as he bought me some nice stuff and 2 XBOX games which was very nice of him. Wish I could get more opportunities to hang out with him. We went out and he even brought me a new helmet which looks amazing. It’s got a black tint on the visor, so no one can see who’s riding… hahaha… kinda like keeping it gangsta with the presidential tint fool!!!... And now what I’ve been dying to yell out to the world on top of my voice. I’ve put on a weight. Well it isn’t much and I still look the same. I went from 57 kgs to 62 kgs. I’m just 3 kgs short of getting to my ideal weight to height proportion. Thank you Jesus!! >=D

It's been a while since I blogged and it sure has been a while since I had a good time. I bumped into an old friend, Bijal who was just casually sitting and chatting with one of her friends. I joined the two of them and had an interesting conversation. Later on the conversation just happened between Bijal and me. The conversation started at about 21:30 and ended 2 hours later. Well we planned to go for “Laage Raho Munnabhai” (a Hindi movie which most of the people I know told me that it was a must see – and so I did). Now I was supposed to bump into her at 15:15 in the building lobby and I accidentally fell asleep and woke up saying “Oh *&^%, Bijal!” at 15:30. I eventually told her everything and apologized for keeping her waiting. Well as we made the walk to the movie theatre which was just a stones throw away from the building I was still dazed. But as we got to our seats I was wide awake. The movie was okay and there was some seriously crappie scenes which I had a hearty laugh at. But what I enjoyed was the fact that we both had a good time laughing together at the movies. Haven’t had fun like that with a friend recently and moreover I don’t recalling having such a good time with her either. Well after the movie was over we went to our houses and then meet each other again a little later on and conversed about each other’s lives. Another 2 hour conversation starting at 20:00 and ending at 22:00. Since the conversations couldn’t go on any longer we decided that we would probably meet up again towards the weekend and just hang out for a bit. Shoutout to my girl Bijal, I waiting patiently and count the days till we meet again.

Finally I got to see “Cars” (the movie). I LOVE IT!!! Amazing CG in the movie and the soundtrack was selected in good order. The movie has got some hilarious characters and some amazing cars. They got some amazing voice-overs for each of the cars and it really added to the character of the car. DAM if I get a chance to see it again I would and better yet if I get to see the movie YET AGAIN…. I’D STILL GO AND ENJOY IT TWICE AS MUCH. I’ve already got the soundtrack of the movie. If you didn’t like the movie then I guess you aren’t auto-sexual like me.

Half Life 2 is by far the most, scariest game I have ever played in my life. Sheeezzhh… I’ve got God know how many startles and spooks in this game. Over all I would rate this as an “Amazing game”.

Hahahaha... i've finally done it. I've got my XBOX fixed and totally juiced. Ah!! i can now rest easy for all my efforts have paid off and those sleepless nights are finally over. i've already got some of the best titles like Half Life 2, Need For Speed Underground 2, GTA San Andreas & Splinter Cell Chaos Theory. I wonder whatelse i can pick up for the BOX???

As the rain falls I only sit and stare into a season that fills my heart with gloom. The rains always bring back so many painful memories. Like even now it still fills my mind with more pain. My sweet and dear XBOX kinda got screwed up and now she refused to power up. No more gaming for me!! I’m hurt and very disturbed but I don’t feel the pain of loosing it. Probably because now it’s just made me pull myself together and figure out a way to fix it up and get it functional. I will not loose to fate now as I have determined that I am the only one who can over come this unforeseen contingency. And I will. Needless to say that every time it rains these memories will surely come back… to haunt me. Or would they?

Shit I’ve just been having too much fun to actually get time to sit and post. I’ve got a little break and so I’ve decided to do so. Where to start… I’ll start with 18th June 2006’s amazing party at the Hyatt. It was Leena aunty and Prashant uncle’s 25th Wedding Anniversary. It was mind blowing with a superb performance from Sunil Pal (YES THEE SUNIL PAL FROM THE GREAT INDIAN LAGUHTER SHOW) he did some amazing stuff. There were other performers like Aasma and two Indian Idols (think they were Amit Sahana and some Prajakta chick) – I’m anti Hindi so I can’t recall their names. Vilas and Aneesha put together a great party. Congratulations guys!!! Vilas, Aneesha, Shashank, Neha and me worked on an amazing slide show (which Vilas made all of – the others just took credit. LOL). Well that was Sunday but I’ve just mentioned 5% of what happened that day. Monday and Tuesday saw a lot of Grand Turismo 4 (GT4 on the PS2). DAM that game is AWESOME!!! It’s actually got a 24hour endurance mode (where one actually races for 24 hours STRAIGHT) Vilas and me are practicing to so one such event. If that’s too much for us then we’ll probably try a 1000 miles endurance event (where one actually races for 1000 Miles STRAIGHT). In addition to all that there’s cricket and non stop fun every moment. Aahhh… the Good Life...

What a way to begin the week. 11th of June 2006 Sabina and Rohan threw their anniversary party which was really funnie. Got a chance to hang out with the Bosses (Chandramukhi and Vrindha) along with Kalpi, Sunila, Jyoti, Rupali, Nitin’s mom and some other female member from the gym. It was hilarious as I heard all the different types of stories they had to tell. Then there was yesterday. An amazing cricket match at Vilas’ place along with Vilas, Shashank, Ramu, Mahadev, Ajay (driver) and a watchman that they call Lagaan. They call him that for a very good reason too. He actually rotates both his arms when he bowls. Overall it was a fun match with lots of laughs and crazie balls being bowled by your truly (ME). I actually figured out how to bowl properly and happened to take 2 wickets. Surprising!! I actually couldn’t bowl at all but somehow I learnt.

Oh yes. I never knew that my words could come and bite me back in the ASS!! lol >=D... YES, I've stopped being in touch with a lot of people for no reason. I am sorry. This is by far the most harshest step i took towards you guys (just a select few not all, Craig you ain't here on the list ma brudha). I mean it wasn't your fault at all and i just vanished without saying GOODBYE. You have my most sincere apology... HONESTLY. Thank you for all the memories you guys gave me. Don't ever feel like i do not miss you. I DO (if you can believe a liar). If you can find it in your heart to forgive then please do.

There's gonna be a movie called CARS!!! Whoohooo... i'm so gonna watch this. i don't care if it is a flop or a hit. i'm going for it...

In all Good, there is Evil and in all Evil there is Good. Simple, yet complicated... Mixted emotions run through me. Don't know but for some strange reason i feel like there's a lot of EVIL growing inside. And on another side i've been working up to drive "FEAR" out of my system. For now i think i'll just focusing on FEARING GOD and no one else. Now that's friking strange. Maybe i'm not getting enough sleep... Speaking of GOD, i got an experience of what God Of War for the PS2 is like... Oooof!!! It's AMAZING. Amazing graphics & a totally amazing story line. Haven't got a chance to socialize yet since i still have to work till the end of the month. Got a few little personal objectives to achieve in my spare time. Some of which would involve things like Getting back to a few old friends, finding out what happened to my P.F. in the previous company, reading up on networking, figuring out how to hook up my XBOX to my PC to capture some quality shots of Burnout Takedown & Burnout Revenge (Thanks Vilas), focus on the last 6months of my computer class (after that i'll be done for good, hey that's 5months more as i've started going regularly *remembered someone who laughed at this statement*) oh yes... last but not least... GAME ALOT ON THE PS2 AND THE XBOX BABY!!! >=D

Taunts!!! WOW… I love indirect messages as they convey whatever you feel about a person. TAUNTS can make you laugh and TAUNTS can really hurt you. I’ve got hurt by taunts but I’ve realized something…. IF IT HURT’S… GROW STRONGER!!! Sticks and stones may break my bones but WORDS SHALL NEVER HARM THEM. I wonder how else you are gonna break me down? (Ooops… did I just taunted at someone?) Anyways… what you sow you reap… one more thing that some people (the stupid variety) do is that they tend to be very judgmental to everyone around them just because of a few other peoples mistakes. Quite unfair but I guess they are just too stupid to realize it themselves. Anyway I’ve got other things to think about like the good times that are gonna roll my way soon…

Freedom!!! I've put in my papers at my current pencil pushing job and am now pursuing my computer course seriously. It's down to the last 6 months and i intend to finish that in the stipulated period, NO MORE DELAYS!!!... i bumped into another good friend Craig a week back. Saw "V for Vendetta" which is an AWESOME movie. i especially liked this one track from the movie sung by Julie London - Cry Me A River (Genre : Easy Listening or Blues i ain't too sure) my listening to it right now. Sounds more like Blues. Another good friend Vilas is coming down from Boston for the summer. Gonna bump into him soon as well. Bumping into Sabina, Rupali and Jyoti (who is never there at Synerge) is quite relaxing after a long hard days work. Also caught up with Raj, Manoj Ochani and Ashwin Kalmane from the past. Got a new path in mind, will post more as i make the walk... >=D

I’ve been suppressing a lot of emotions of recently. Like yesterday I met up with Sabina (a good friend) and just poured out a little bit of what was on my heart and mind. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Used to share that with friends, most of who aren’t around anymore, so I keep it to myself and hardly share my deepest thoughts with anyone. So now I’m just going to suck it all up and move the fuck on with my life. No time for emotions now anymore.

Been downloading and listening to ALOTTA new music and i've really got into Corinne Bailey Rae. Amazing voice backed with beautiful music. Yesterday after almost an eternity i hooked up with my XBOX. GOD i never realised how much fun the box can still be. Life's gotten a little tiresome off recently. Works draining my entire social life. I met up with a friend yesterday and it felt so good going for a ride and just chatting up with her. Infact the only place i ride the bike to these days is just work, classes and home. Played a little stupid april fool gag on her. Infact she is the one who shares one thing common with me. She loves animals!! Her mum's also sweet and polite. Today i found out that another friend of mine became a father. Congratulations Mason and wife!! Bless you guys...

I hate it sometimes when I hear songs that just remind me about the past. A past that had such sweet lovely memories of the times you've shared with love ones. I'm talking about my college days. I just got my hands on the OST of You've Got Mail. One of my favourite movies. Infact I wanted to go for this movie with the one who stole my heart, in a theatre out here but then again this is India and no theatre out here must have screened this movie, so it didn't happen. Some songs in this movie only remind me about her. Everytime I hear those songs I just kinda get thrown back in time and just reminisces for a while. And when the song ends it back to my lonesome reality. I really like the songs but it's just filled with so much of meaning and painful memories that it really makes it hard for me to like them. Kind of like sweet poison... Kinda like love... >=(

We all have to make the walk through life. The road ahead is long and lonesome. Some have some one to walk along side with, whilst other’s (like myself who is still single) make the walk alone. There are some friends who I’ve left behind while some have taken another road. Sometimes I wonder which road I’m supposed to take… Aahhh!!! The crossroads of life!!!

Am i putting people through phases? i try my best to be with you and give you my all. but when i ain't near you don't be depressed, cause there's another person who needs me as much as you do. please understand. i still want to be by your side. i will come to you. Just don't shut the door when i come knocking... >=|

Lay down my head,
Burdened with thoughts,
Trying to find solutions,
To fights that were fought.

Mistakes were made,
On both sides that's true,
But hurt me for what,
Just cause i stand by you?

Why the fuck am i emotional,
I hate that in me,
Wish i was stone hearted,
Then let's see you hurt me.

I try not to hurt,
And i hardly get angry,
Why take advantage,
And of all, why me?

I want you for comfort,
I want you to hold,
I want you with me,
Cause my world is so cold.

Don't have a family,
Thought i'd come to you,
You've got issues of your own,
Where do i turn too.

Be by my side,
In every step in life,
Huh! Heard the same shit,
From someone i called wife.

I'm sorry to everyone who reads this... but i needed to vent out somewhere. Just had to get this off my chest and mind. I'm glad you are with me... my blog...

Heck i make one small little mistake and everyone's making it a very big deal. wtf maaan... small request to all who read this... if i make a mistake please put yourself in my place and tell me if you like being yelled at? ok so you can't put your thoughts into words... nobody can... not even me at times... but yet when i need to get my point across i can do it without causing pain? please understand .. please be gentle... i hurt easy... >=(

Somethings are Strange... I'm Just One Of Them... why am i saying this again... cause we celebrated a friends birthday... at a POLICE STATION!!! >=) Happie Birfday Ketan...

Mature pictures... not for the faint hearted

Today is a very luck and not so lucky day for me. I met with my very first accident today. It happened at 09:15. I was hit by a Green Santro driven by a Mr. Vilas Shirsekar (Liscense plate number MH04AW7792) Our boy happens to make a left turn into the building by driving out completely to the center of the road. He doesn’t indicate and claims that I was going really fast. Fact was that he was in the middle of the road, didn’t indicate when turning and then says it was my fault. Ya rite riding at the speed of 35Kmph and falling 15 feet away from his car while the bike skid and landed about 30 feet away from me!! Anyways I’m feeling bad that my best formal wear got torn and my brother’s bike got damaged. >=( .. I’m ok… got a few bruses but nothing major. Realized something today that I need to enjoy life to it’s fullest.. I was lucky this time that nothing serious happened to me (like what happened to another good friend of mine). I just want other’s to realize that life’s too short and I want to make them realize that each of them are special to me, before my time is over. To all I’ve shared a relationship with. I appreciate your presence in my life and I just want to tell each of you that I am happy that I got a chance to know you… as a grandson…. as a brother…. as a lover… as a son… as a friend… Glad I got to know you….

It sure has been a long time since I’ve posted and yes it sure has been a long time since I made a new friend. I’m not going to reveal her name (security issues… hahahaha… that’s too convenient). We don’t get to spend a lot of time together but for that moment when we converse, it’s special. I’m not even going to fill the blog with more details about her. I’ll just refer to her as that special friend. On the other side of life, things are ok. My last weekend was very bad. Got caught by the cops since not all of the bike papers were in order. Two of my superiors had to come help me out. It’s was humiliating (cause the cops were actually having a good time listening to me speak in Hindi) and even more humiliating because there was inconvenience caused to two of my superiors. Pretty screwed weekend. But it’s over now. Next weekend has an interesting line of events that are yet to occur. Can’t wait for next weekend. I had mentioned in the past that the only reason I blog is cause I don’t have anyone to talk too. Well of recently I’ve been sharing a lot of things with snowflake. She’s been there when times get hard for me. I’m happy I have a few friends still here with me. Thank God for friends. Me Happie!!!

Now i can post my blog at anytime i want... cause i tog eht tenretni ta emoh... GO FIGURE!!! >=)

So i've hit full time work and have really created a good impression over here at work. The user's like the work i do and i'm cool with everyone. just don't get that much time to share things on the blog anymore.

MY MOST HECTIC DAY EVER…SO FAR!!!

My sequence of events since the 28th of September 2005.
09:00 – Wake up and play Unreal Tournament on the computer (CTF).
14:00 – Reach work and work???
19:00 – Go to meet my new family member Snowflake.
20:00 – Still with Snowflake
21:00 – Sharing emotions with Snowflake
22:00 – Putting Snowflake to sleep ( I actually sang a song and put her to sleep)
23:00 – Leave Snowflake with her BOYfriend and play NFSUG on the CBZ
23:30 – Reach Bandra with cold chills running all over.
00:00 – Start working on some data and the computer.
01:00 – Still working on the computer
02:30 – Still working on the computer
03:00 – Take a 5 mins break
03:05 – Resume working on the computer
04:00 – Take a 10mins break both me and the computer
04:10 – Resume working on the computer
06:25 – Finish working with the data and the computer.
06:30 – Leave for Kandivali on the CBZ (NFSUG PartII)
07:15 – Reach Kandivali and meet brother.
07:30 – Leave with brother from Kandivali to meet up with Snowflake for tea.
07:50 – Reach Delton at Jogeshwari Highway where he took a rick to work
08:00 – Meetup with snowflake and her BOYfriend.
08:30 – Snowflake wakes up and gets ready to go to work
09:00 – BOYfriend gets up and get ready to leave
09:05 – Having tea with them two
09:10 – Leave for Bandra with Snowflake
09:45 – Reach snowflake at work and come home assuming to sleep.
09:50 – Give data to Mustu.
09:55 – Have to come up with a huge amount.
10:15 – Arranged for part of the huge amount but the other part’s at Kandivali
10:30 – Leave for Kandivali to get the other amount.
11:15 – Get caught by cops for not wearing a helmet.
11:30 – Another cop pulls me over for not wearing a helmet. (JINKS!!)
12:00 – Reach and obtain the remaining amount.
12:15 – Meet and speak with Deepti. No answers for her actions of standing me up.
12:16 – FUCK IT!!!
12:20 – Leave the girl alone.
12:45 – Eat food.
13:10 – Leave for work
14:30 – Reach work and sitting here posting.

Prediction for the rest of the day:

18:00 – Leave work and go home and wait for Snowflake to call up
19:00 – Snowflake calls says would appreciate if company could be with her to Kandivali
19:15 – Meet her and take her to Kandivali
20:30 – Reach Kandivali with Snowflake
21:30 or later – Get her back home and probably dine with her
22:30 – Leave for home
23:15 – Show get some sleep

All i want is a little peace and love!! Is that too much i ask of you??? >=| cause you know that i've given you love in abundance even when you don't ask...

Now i usually don't drink and choose not too... but just for kicks i kinda pushed myself to the limit. Kinda of like to see how well i can control myself... it's something i'm not proud off but it's a learning experience... i'm about 56kilos (God know when that's gonna increase) and i stand 5 feet 10.5 inches tall. How the heck i managed to stand and control myself with 1/2 a litre of RUM (NEAT) is something i still can't understand... guess there is a GOD after all who cares for me. Uuhhh!!!... hence forth given the option to choose between staying sane or going insane i'll choose to be SANE. Sorry Shweta that's why i couldn't come to meet you in the afternoon today... >=(

For the past 3 years on this very same day your thoughts cross my mind and your absence is felt the strongest... How can a feeling be so deep? How can a love be so strong? How can you still cloud my mind sometimes? How come i can't let go off you completely? How come you aren't by my side... my Mushie Bear??? >=(

I like the new personality i've put on... it's just feels great!!! i met up with an old college sweetie and she also added to the joy saying that i was an honest thinker and acted honestly, AND that i haven't changed in appearence ever since college ended... either she was telling the truth or the statement "Guys are just that easy to bluff" is SO TRUE!! Either ways i felt nice when i spoke to her. It's great recalling the college days... i had gone to fix a clients computer the other day and the lady gave me my remuneration, along with some chocolates... Hmmm... guess i haven't aged since college after all.. so she wasn't lying!!!A=B, B=C Hence A=C .... lol!!! >=D

Not that i want something bad to happen to me, but ever since the beginning of this month, i've turned over a new leaf. I've become a more joyful person to be around and i've become much more stupid and funnie than i ever was. I know finally realise that it gives me much more joy if i make the others around me happy and that's the way i want it to be... just hope it lasts... >=|

The last 3 days there was nothing but a series of bad incidents, which rocked Mumbai. Here is my part of the story.

26th July 2005 – I come to work at 13:30 and it’s starting to rain outside. I come into work and start the daily routine. At about 15:30 the office declares a holiday because of heavy rains outside. I didn’t think that it was that heavy and said it was pointless leaving right now and resumed working till about 16:30. At that time the lights in the entire building went out. I went up stairs to find out what went wrong and then saw that the whole of Santacruz had lost electricity. Since there was nothing better to do I decided to finally leave for home. Another work mate accompanied me till Khar after that I was on my own. As I left work it was only then that I saw the water level for myself. I stand 5’10” and the water level was till my chest. It was pouring heavily and there were cars that were completely submerged in water. I had never seen anything like this before in my life. It took me a good 1.5 hours to reach home safely. Whilst on my way home I stopped to check on my friend and found out that she was a little ill and still at work. I reached home and when I was approaching to my place I got a little paranoid about the water doing damage to my building. When I got home I saw that the water levels were just ankle high. I thanked God that nothing severe happened out there. We had to electricity for a good 17hours from the time I reached home. I called up a few friends to find out how things were at their places. A good friends house and shop were flooded pretty bad. The house survived but the shop got screwed. Well I went to sleep that night without any electricity. The next day I rose without a decent nights sleep and met up with a friend… I called some more friends up to find out how things were but just got bad news… My close friends friend passed away because she drowned… her name was Minal and I knew here. She was a very sweet person and it was shocking when I heard that she passed away… I never knew that the rains could be so bad… Today after 3 days things are simmering down but the death toll is pretty high… here are some of the stats I managed to pickup from the news.

This was the highest amount of rainfall Mumbai had ever received. Approx. 37inches of rain.

The death toll caused by the rains stand at 452. The PM had offered relief of 1 lakh to the dead peoples families and 50,000 to the physically disabled.

Major landslides at Saki Naka.

Due to rumors of a dam bursting and a tsunami approaching claimed the lives of 18 people caused by a stampede.

In conclusion I would like to put up a prayer for Minal.

“Eternal rest give unto her, Oh Lord, Let the perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul rest in peace. Amen.” – Even though you are away your memories will be with us always. We will miss you Minal…. >=(

More results... Congratulations to both of y'all... >=)

Please answer... are these pictures REAL or 3D??? You'd be surprised... >=)

It's really hard for me at work... things get a little too hectic these days... i mean i'm striving hard to achieve my targets but i guess i'm not tryin hard enough.... i need to finish the entire game in under 20mins or less... that's my objective... i will succeed!!!

If you thought babies were cute... Think again... Look at this baby... Anu you have to send me more pics...

Now this friend lives all the way in Delhi and she knows me so well??? WOW!! Life's just full of surprises... >=D ... by putting up results i'm not tryin to discriminate anyone in anyway, i love each of you guys (both near and FAR) and each one of y'all have a special place in my heart. let this quiz be a reflection in how well you guys have understood me...

I love the test thingie i made... it's so much fun... hehehehe >=D


Think you can score better than them... well then prove it CAUSE TALK IS CHEAP... >=)
http://www.bebo.com/quiz/2036883a292987030b89

I made myself a little quiz to see how well people know me... the results will tell you who knows me better than the other... still have to see who knows me cent percent... actually there could be a person cause the quiz is a little too easy for y'all... wait for the next one guys...

i so badly wanted to go for Batman Begins.... >=(

Yesterday was fun… I met up with an old friend Deepti. She is seriously a work of art. The only thing that draws me towards her is that she is never serious. I learnt something from her yesterday. I learnt that I’m too serious and I need to chill out in life. Thanks Deepti for the lesson. Today Manoj Ochani called up and I just had to mention it cause I’ve never mentioned his name on my blog. Here you go Manoj now it’s official… Take care and be well all…

I LOVE RAP MUSIC... why... then read the Chorus of the song below which i have taken a liking too... It's sung by Obie Trice and the song's name is Adrenaline Rush (OST : 8 Mile) They say ONCE YOU GO BLACK YOU NEVER GO BACK...

Get live motherfucker when I speak motherfucker,
Out your seat motherfucker, I'ma reach motherfuckers,
Shady Records 'til I sleep, motherfucker, Obie Trice nuttin' but street muthatfucka,
Tear this bitch up until you bleed motherfucker,
I wouldn't give a fuck who you be, motherfucker,
Punk, pussy, bitch or G, motherfucker, Adrenaline rush before you leave motherfucker.

I’m tired… I’m feeling low… the weather’s changed and so has my attitude towards life and people. I think I’ve opened my eyes to a painful reality, which I cannot digest. I miss my friends… I’m just at that point in life where I sit blank and ponder over nothing… >= I need a friend right now to talk too, but am unable to find one… How firkin strange is that??? Is this what friends are for??? I’m not talking about all my friends, I’m just talking about the ungrateful ones!!!

I LOVE INDIA!!! But I hate Indian men, especially when they are educated and act uneducated. I took the bus today to go to work. At the stop there was a very beautiful looking college girl who took the same bus as I did. Now don’t get me wrong, but she really looked beautiful in the pure sense. She had a very beautiful face and her hair was even more gorgeous. She sat in the seat in front of me. About 2 seats ahead and on the opposite side of her seat, was a man who just looked back at her and stared at her continuously for a good 3kms!! (That's how far i go to work form home.) Kinda like having impure thoughts about her in his head… That was so fucking disgusting. And to make it all worse, he had that “BEAT ME UP” sign written all over his face, which i seriously wanted to follow after all one must follow signs on the road >=D Dis-fucking-gusting!!! I’ve noticed that in most Indian men. Some of them have loyal committed wives who’d probably do everything for them, but they just don’t seem to understand. The men always want something more… something more like SEX!!! And once that’s obtained then it’s time for SOME MORE SEX!!! Now most traditional Indian women aren’t open to a subject like that because of their culture, but the men feel that the women are, probably cause of the fuck-all Hindi movies that portray the Indian women like sex toys to play around with. I mean if the Indian man would only wait for the right time then I guess things would come naturally. But men are impatient and want things now. Guys shouldn’t think with their fucking dick-heads all the time. I remember tha ti almost made this same mistake once and i regret till today >=( When will things change around here I really don’t know. I think the concept of modernization is taking a completely new turn in evolution here in India, which shouldn’t be happening.

And finally after a 9 month gap I commence classes once again. This time I’ll be regualar… I hope!! Lol >=D