Hmmm… chatting… I don’t understand a few things about chatting, especially when it comes to women. A few of them that I chat with come across as very talkative (actually most of them are… lol). Anyways I chat (via the internet) with them occasionally and it is quite amazing. I simply do not get it… Check out this conversation I had with one such woman.

[11:25] outkast_ryder: good... so what are you up too??? Listen if you wanna get a date for the Christmas party then please be my guest...
[11:25] sweetprincess_002002: no re
[11:26] sweetprincess_002002: I don’t ve ny1 :(
[11:26] outkast_ryder: well then get lucky... you are a woman, so use that God given advantage
[11:26] sweetprincess_002002: matlab??
[11:27] outkast_ryder: whatever you wanna make of it... and please type more instead of one question answers... :@
[11:28] sweetprincess_002002: I didn’t get what do u want to say...
[11:28] outkast_ryder: oh Christ... I give up :(

I always have these long sentences and they always seem to have weird one question answers to everything. Even the most, simplest question leaves them perplexed. I wonder why they do what they do. Well guess that’s why people say that God’s creations are amazingly surprising.

I am turning over a new leaf in my life. Just gonna be a better person, better friend, better human being. There’s a car exhibition at BKC (Bandra Kurla Complex). Amazing cars on display! I never thought that I would come close to a Lamborghini Gallardo, well guess again. I clearly remember the way I paused in the moment when my eyes fell upon so divine a sight. In addition to which there were alotta sweet rides. Will be going with a couple of friends on Sunday for the exhibition again to get some pics. Once I have them I’ll put them up on the site. I am planning a little Christmas party with friends and the road ahead, on that front, looks really bright. Hope everything turns out well. Can’t wait for Christmas.

How do I tell you?
My true feelings inside,
It bothers me so much,
And so I make them hide.

I wanna come to you,
And tell you my fears,
But now I feel that,
You won’t understand my tears.

Maybe I’ll tell you,
To hold me close,
Maybe I want you to say,
I do where no one else knows.

I’ve realized that things change,
Even though they lie on the ground,
Like a small round pebble,
That you keep throwing around.

Which pebble I speak of,
Are you sure you wanna hear?
That pebble is our friendship,
Yet I hold you oh so dear.

And I’m sure you do too.
BECAUSE I make you feel that way,
Too bad you ain’t reciprocating,
Otherwise this, I wouldn’t have to say.

You should be the cure,
Not suffering in disguise.
I thought you were here to heal,
And not cause pain in my life.

I so want us to be,
And I wish that you wouldn’t strife,
Cause every time you’re not there,
Your absence maims my life.

Yes I am harsh,
With the words I use today,
Every action has a reaction,
Do I need more to say?

And after hurting you,
I’ll still come and cry,
And ask you for forgiveness,
Seeing that tear in your eye.

Perplexity to you,
Apparently is fun,
Wonder how you’d feel,
If someone did it to you hun?

Hmm… what do you make of it when I say I need my time? 100% said that I need to be alone with myself… not if you think about it on another level (like I am). Why would I ask you such a question? If you can answer that then you know exactly what I mean. And it’s not like you don’t know, you know but either you are a little too busy to deal with such thoughts or find such thoughts irrelevant to answer or ponder upon. So I guess I won’t ask, forgive me for doing so as well. This is my final apology to you. Maybe all you need me to do is keep you happy and smiling all the while, which I will still do UNCODITIONALLY. Firstly because it make me happy when I see you smile and secondly because maybe I know what you mean when you say, ‘I need my time.’

Hmm… what am I thinking about right now? I ponder over a sequence of events that have occurred today and wonder about whether I may have done the right thing? Or may have not done the right thing? Quite frankly I am lost. Today when I sit to think of my personality I wonder who I am. Everyone changes based on their surroundings or situation in order to survive. Some even try to adapt. We exist today because of our primal instinct of change and adaptation.

Change = an event that occurs when something passes from one state or phase to another
Adapt = conform oneself to new or different conditions

Does that mean change results in adaptation? Or is adaptation kind of like a reflex to change? Or is change actually adaptation? Honestly, I don’t know whether I am supposed to change or adapt given a situation. There are times where it demands that I change and there are times where it demands that I adapt. Just trying to figure out what needs to be done gets me all confused. I don’t even know if I am making sense right now. I feel like I don’t know who I really am anymore. When I ask people who I am to them I get… you are a nice guy, very sweet, understanding, caring, loving, comforting, jovial, fun, easy going, charming etc. (btw these are the terms that I have heard more than I can count so I am not boasting) But those same people say that I can be difficult, very bad, not understanding, mean, stubborn, etc (yes these too are the terms that I have heard a couple of times but they are countable. However these I have heard the least… still not boasting). So what do I do given the later half of the situation? (the bad part of being difficult and all that jazz) Do I change or adapt? If I change, I result into someone I am not. If I adapt then again I am resulting into someone I am not. Either ways I am going to evolve into someone I am not, but yet I sit to think about whether I am supposed to change or adapt. They say change is good and they say that change isn’t good as well (this being with reference to the person that you are). When confronted on that statement they re-arrange the sentence by adding a new line saying that A little change is good and too much of a change is bad. So how much is a little and how much is too much, that is what I would like to know. Why does life get so confusing at times I wonder? It is fun they say, that’s how one should live their life… by having fun. Agreed! One must enjoy themselves in their journey through life. But at the same time not everything is all fun and games. Hmmm… today has been a very stressful day indeed. The only time I actually felt elevated from my troubles is when I looked into the dark midnight sky and saw the stars. Anyways I am sleepy and I’m going to sleep and try not to think about this… at least for now.

We kind of celebrated Children’s Day. I pushed it one step towards stupidity. I kinda put on some lip stick and went on a kissing spree. Too bad I only managed to get 4 of them. 2 guys and 2 girls (no names sorry). Anyways Happy Children’s Day to who ever reads this post. By the way the girlfriend only wrote the words and that's my smooch mark on his back.

Wow. I didn’t know that I actually had so much of anger suppressed inside of me. Not that I let it all out today but it kind of surfaced when I spoke to a friend. For some strange reason I try to seek comfort when bothered most. What bother’s me is – ME! Apparently I have become my own worst enemy and I need to get that turned around. In addition to which I’ve been too busy wasting my time over issues that matter a lot to me but apparently now isn’t the time to be dealing with them issues. On the 11th of November 2006 I went for a bike ride to Panvel at some “Dhabba”. Boy it was cold and my hands went numb. In addition to which I kinda touched 110Kmph on my brothers CBZ. Not the wisest thing that I would have done seeing as how I was cold and, ESPECIALLY when the person behind you is the one most dear to you. Sorry Rice but henceforth I’ll stick to 50Kmph wherever we go. The ride was nice with Rice ;) I was riding on my way back home today and was enjoying the 40Kmph ride back. The weather’s getting cooler and Christmas is fast approaching. My worries still grip the best of me and I so want to get that out the door before Christmas. There are a few things that do linger in my head and now since I want to hit the sack I’m just going to stop here for the day. If it gets the best of me I’ll post. Infact I’ll be doing a lot of it.

I like the way you laugh,
I like the way you stare,
I like the way you make me dream,
Every time you’re not there.

I like the way you hurt me,
And confuse me till the core,
I like the way you put up with me,
Even when I’m such a bore.

I’d wish I knew what’s on your mind,
Every time you look that way,
And when I stop to question you,
You’ll just be silent and sway.

I like the conversations we do have,
That lasts till we depart,
Wish that we could sit right there,
And time wouldn’t tear us apart.

I feel this joy that was once lost,
And now I’ve found again,
So here's my little sonnet to you,
Saying Thank You Rice my friend.

I went for Garfield 2. What a lovely movie. I like it because of Odie more than Garfield. Overall the movie was nice but I love ODIE!!! He’s such an adorable, cuddly doggie. A must watch for people who love their dogs. I’m gonna go for the movie again. Garfield The Movie (the first movie) was even more hilarious with Odie doing his little hind leg dance. I LOVE YOU ODIE!!! I mean no matter how bad Garfield treats him, he still loves Garfield and tolerates his acts with a smile. (Hmmm!!! I too seem to be doing something similar with someone I know.. >=D....) That dog’s expressions were caught on camera perfectly. I love dogs. They truly are man’s best friend. I cannot picture my life without having a pet dog. I’ve always had a pet dog ever since I can remember. Yeah it gets devastating when they have to depart into the spiritual world. That’s the hardest part for me.

They say in friendship you share everything - your joy, your sorrow, your ups and your downs. Me - I push it one step further - I’ll even share a cold with you. I always wanted to do something weird and so I did. Apparently the one from whom I was supposed to get a cold from, didn’t infect me completely. When I sit to think about it, I can’t actually recall when was the last time I fell ill. Nothing significant happening these days. Life’s becoming a drag. I have got down to studies and I just want these exams to get over with so that I can chill for Christmas. When I think about Christmas it just gets me all excited. I LOVE CHRISTMAS… it’s my favourite festival and winter is my favourite season. Can’t wait…