Its Christmas time! Today is Christmas Eve and my Christmas spirit is drowning in the depths of my sorrows, misery and helplessness. Today is Christmas Eve and I will overcome my emotions and issues to celebrate the birth of Christ and live devoid of how bad, sad and frustrated I feel. Its time to spread the love around and that is exactly what I will do. Wait… haven’t I being doing that already? Merry Chrstmas everyone. Peace, Happiness and Love to all.

How you ever felt happy whilst sorrow makes its mark on your face? I just did when I heard a very old song by the Backstreet Boys. Was busy working on my assignment and the music was on Shuffle. That song just caught me by surprise. My initial reaction was to change the song, cause quite frankly I don’t like to reminiscence about my past, but then again I don’t wanna run away either. Listening to that song only made me realize that there are a lot of things that I haven’t completely dealt with in my past. A lot of things that should have been done were not done. A lot of things that needed to be said were not said. Anger gripped my senses and yet I was still mellow about these thoughts, simply because it brought back the best times of my life in college. My biggest problem is that the sweetest memories are the most painful ones. I can’t let them go simply because they are the only ones that matter the most to me. So until I don’t find a solution to this - I’ll just have to live with them. Thank God I'm heading out to Pune for the weekend, just wanna destress and most of all... rest.

Tears roll down my cheeks for you girl.
I feel your pain.
I feel your loss.
I feel you baby.
Does it still haunt you? Does it still hurt?
Well then hold my hand.
Let's move on with the LOVE I have for you.
Trust me baby I ain't gonna play you like them fools and you know that.

Ay yo you...now see most cats would take advantage of you right now
But I aint gonna do that
I'ma give you the game right
I'ma give it to you because
I would want somebody to give my lil girl the game
When she done found her S-E-X

Life's a trip
Virgin just turned 17 and finally got some hips
Hustla's on the block go crazy when you lick your lips
But they just want relations they don't want relationships
Welcome to the real world
It aint the same
Fellas old enough to be yo daddy know your name
Everybody's talkin about how much that girl done changed
Can't quite put your finger on it but you feel it's strange
LIke it's fire in your veins

Girl that's just ur S-E-X
Mama's secret
And daddy's gon' go crazy when he finds out that his baby
Found her S-E-X
Take a deep breath
and think before you let it go

The block is packed
Baby got an attitude and proud to holla back
Mama's givin advice but she aint tryin to hear that
Not because it's wrong, just her delivery is whack
"Shaye get yo behind in this house
If I see you with another boy I swear..."
Life is rough
You say that you're not ready for sex but you're in love
He says if you really loved him you would give it up
Mama says thats just a line guys use to get yo stuff
Which one will you trust

Aye yo Lyfe, she might take it better comin from a woman
See he'll tell you all kind of things to get in your pants, yeah
Baby it's a fact that once it's gone you'll never get it back
Hold on to your innocence, use your common sense, you're worth waiting for
Be strong, honey don't give in, blessings come with patience
Till we meet again I'm prayin for you

Denver... why are you so green?

Which Family Guy Character Are You?
	You are part Quagmire. There's only one word for people like you: Pervert.
	You are part Brian. You are smart, sophisticated, and somewhat of an alcoholic.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Disney Hero Are You?
	You are Aladdin. You don't have much in life and you couldn't be more happy. Based on your background and history people often misjudge you, but you will soon show that you are a hero in a plain man's clothing. Until then, brush up on your singing and laughing because they will get you through some hard times ahead.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Trying something new... worked on this video for about 3 hours or so and came up with just 38 secs of footage. Working on a project that i will upload when 'that' time arrives... till then here is my work for your viewing pleasure.

Today is one of my most painful days in life. My dearest, closest best friend passed away. Her name, Peggie (my dog). I remember the time when she first came home to me. I did not take a liking to her immediately as I didn’t want to have another dog besides Sniffer in my life. She was quite weak and very thin. Out of the 4 legs she had, one of them (the front right leg) was shorter than the rest. But looking at the innocence on her face and the want to be loved just a little bit earned her a soft spot in my heart. After that day my love for her grew bigger and stronger. Peggie taught me so much. How to love unconditionally and how to make people smile without the use of words. Without the gift of speech she spoke aloud with her actions. She was always energetic, except when the little lady wanted her space to get her ZZZzzz’s, but I was always welcomed to be with her at anytime. She came into my life when she was but a mere pup who fit easily into both my palms and who put herself to sleep by rolling up into a small fur ball. Over the years she grew into a fine pooch and shared alotta similar traits with me. We both hated kids and we both are afraid of fire-crackers. She was so close to me that she was jealous everytime I was with my ex’s. My ex’s and I could never be close to each other in the house, simply because Peggie would be spying on the two of us. We actually had to keep a reasonable amount of distance between us when we were around Peggie.

I remember the all the times Peggie welcomed me when I came home. Be it a tiresome day after work or after a long vacation, every welcome from her made me feel better and revived my spirit. Today 24th October 2007, for the first time I wished I could have done the same for her. I wished I could get her back and tell her how much I love her and Thank her for all the wonderful memories she gave me. I miss her so much right now. I came home and saw her lying on a bed spread motionless. I got down on my knees and the tears didn’t stop while the heartache grew without a moments pause. From the time I got the news that she passed away till that moment I could step into the house, I couldn’t believe it. But then looking at her like that made it a reality – she had passed away. All I could do then is pull whatever was still remaining of my shattered self, together and do what needed to be done. With a heavy heart I wrapped my dog’s body in a white towel and took her to be cremated at Parle hospital. This was the last trip I’d make with her and I kept her in my arms all the time – weeping for my loss. As I walking up to the cremation building my heart grew heavier and the pain became stronger. I didn’t feel like taking another step, not only because each step hurt and made me bleed inside, but each step added to the distance between Peggie and me. Each step made took us closer towards the building and farther from each other. I kept her on the table and spoke to her for the last time which lasted only 5 minutes. I hugged her so hard that I didn’t want let go. You are my dog and I don’t think it’s time for you to go – at least not yet Peggie – is all that I kept saying to her in my head. At the end of it all I had to play the hardest part of letting her go as I placed her onto the cremation trolly. Doing that broke me completely! As her body was rolled in and the door shut itself a part of me died inside. I lost my dog today – I lost my friend today – I lost a part of my heart – I lost my loved one – I lost my dear Peggie doggie.

My dearest Peggie - I will love you and cherish our moments together. Yes you will be deeply missed and I only wish I had one more chance to tell you how much you mean to me and the joy you brought into my life. Thank you Peggie. May your soul be at peace. I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST DOGGIE!!!

I just got back from my best friends “after marriage” dinner. I apparently reach there pretty late but still made it for dinner. The worst part is that I kinda put in alotta tonic into my system. Yes I am depressed because this past week has been nothing short of brutal, painful and harsh in every aspect possible, but that isn’t the reason as to why I did what I did. It’s quite hilarious when I think about it. I have had 4 glasses of rum, 1 bottle of beer and 4 glasses of Bacardi and I can still hold my own. Yes I am buzzed (who wouldn’t be) after my toxic episode but then again all my thoughts still keep me awake at this hour in the night =( God there is so much inside that’s hurting so firkin bad and I wonder when things will get better. When will I find my smile again =( suffered existence here I come…

Just got back home. Overloaded with emotions that’s broken me so bad inside that I can’t explain. Fuck I’ve got tears in my eyes right now. I’m so fucked up! Even the firkin Morgan isn’t putting me to sleep. This is probably one of the worst case scenarios I’ve had in my life. I can’t type anything more… I’m just gonna teary eye myself to sleep tonight. Father forgive…

When it rains... it pours!!! =(

Food, tasteless… Smiles, pretension… Joy, sacrificed… Comfort, yearning… Warmth, need… Strength, lost… Weak, heart… Leave, don’t… =(

I am making progress on the path I tread but its like walking in the fog. No clue about where I am? Everything around me is unclear. It is cold out here and inside my mind emptiness and loneliness run around like they are here to stay. More unanswered questions, more disturbing thoughts, more distress and more eeriness grips my senses with every breath of air I inhale. I sense an eventful outcome that'll bring joy and sorrow together, lurking amongst the shadows. Feel like I am forsaken and find no solace in my disturbed state of existence. Father! Forgive me. Thank you father for the warmth you bestowed upon me whilst in your arms. It gave me strength, it gave me peace, it gave me love, it gave me time, it gave me space, it gave me joy, it gave me rest, it gave me support, it gave me faith, it gave me… life!

It’s so easy for my emotions to be unnerved, and then the thought of whether I am actually strong comes as a reality check. Another teary eyed morning, another sense of eeriness lurks amidst my thoughts, scaring the very fabric that holds me together, my strength. What makes me weak? Is it the past that I keep reminding myself about time and time again? Maybe it is, but somehow I can’t seem to let it go. I want to cry but for some strange reason after the episode of tears are over, I look upon myself with disrespect and selfpity (btw this holds true only for myself as this isn’t how I feel when it comes to other people. I don’t look at others with disrespect when they cry, I can’t do that to others but I can do that to myself). I have this attitude that I cannot cry as it’ll make me weak. Crying achieves nothing; it’s just your body’s reaction to an emotionally painful experience. Laughing has its perks that aids in the bodies functionality, but what does crying do… hmmm… I wonder?

Does your mind go apathetic when it comes to me? Over time, does the enthusiasm level diminish? Are connections once held strong by the bonds of trust, which withstood the tests of time, severed? Are the pressures, crunches and ordeals that I face, monotonic in nature? Or have I made them monotonic? I wouldn’t mind adopting apathy at this stage in my life because every emotion of happiness isn’t embraced. I am fevered every time loved ones are around yet the freedom of expression is curtailed either by words or actions. I wonder who I am. Sometimes I can't recognise the face I see in the mirror. Each new day now, comes as an extension of my depression swallowing my spirit and trapping my soul. Yet I continue treading my path of existence devoid of self-satisfaction.

Understanding and Comprehending. Apparently these two words are bothering me to the core for the past 2-3 weeks. I understand, but at the same time I’m not sure whether I do. I comprehend and yet am unable to comprehend. Very tempted to give up because I’ve actually had enough, yet I battle on and do my best to resist that temptation as I stroll down a path filled with frustration, bewilderment and turmoil on every turn. Helplessness seems to be the only one around for support and much to my dismay I have embraced it. Strength, Peace of mind and Comfort are dreams on the distant horizon which will probably dissolve like the setting sun and I’ll stand at the shore with a dying hope of the sun to rise again. Darkness clouds my heart as it goes weary with time. I feel choked and suffocate, desperately trying to gasp for a fresh breath of air to revive my drooping spirit. Deeper and deeper I fall into the abyss of misery, wonder who, what and when will it all end. Unable to express, my emotions are running dry. My cheerful zeal withers like the leaves of a magnificent oak far from the end of its existence.

Yeah it’s that time again when sorrow fills my heart and the pain is unbearable =( I don’t quite understand things and I wonder if I ever will. Now I’ve been battling this for a very long time and I thought, as time went by I’d get stronger, alas that isn’t the case. I seriously can’t understand what’s hurting inside, and I wonder whether I deserve this punishment? Maybe I’m just paranoid about things. My life, my future… but then again I’m on the right course and I’m getting places that I had never gone before. I am happy with where I am but then again am I happy? There’s an absence I feel. What am I looking for? Maybe I want something more? Or maybe I’ve got way too much to handle at the moment? Yeah I can say that I’m a little overwhelmed with issues and a few people around me. I find it a little funny when I think about it, because something that happened shouldn’t matter in the present, isn’t it? It’s strange how the past resurfaces. Sometimes it brings back happiness or sorrow or both together or one followed by the other. Each of them have their own value when reminiscing. Some prefer to remember the good times and move on whereas some prefer to remember the bad times so that they don’t make the same mistakes again. When I think of the past I don’t know on which side I’m supposed to be on. Cause to me they both appear to be the same. Or do they? I mean I can think about the good times and / or the bad times and be happy / sad about it at the same time. Maybe that’s the issue. I’m unable to analyze things properly or maybe I’m having an issue choosing. I live a simple life and wonder how things get so complicated in an instant? Maybe I’m still immature and have a lot to learn? But then again I can understand things equally well; it’s just swallowing the truth and practicality that I’m having an issue with. I know I can be practical and handle the truth… or am I just fooling myself?

Breath-taking, Awe-frikin-some, Outstanding, Amazing, Eye-popping, Jaw dropping, Captivating, Over-whelming are just some of the words that come to mind when I sit and reminiscence about those moments I went for Transformers. YES MOMENTS I WENT FOR TRANSFORMERS!!! 3 days, 3 shows, 3 different rows… and I’m still waiting for one more. That being, me getting my hands on the DVD for Transformers. I had been waiting for the day Transformers was gonna release and that day finally arrived. Watching that movie truly made me realize that patience is truly a virtue. I could have watched the movie before its release date (cause I got my hands on the copy of the movie before its release) but thanks to my own self control and a little help from dear ones, I was able to enjoy the full movie experience. 17th August 2007, 10:00am gave me my hearts desire and filled me with tears of joy. I have a lot I can put down on the site about the movie but I’ll sum it up in a few words.

GO FOR TRANSFORMERS IF YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT ALREADY. Hahahhaa… kiddin...

What can I say about the movie? I’m a transformer fan right from the start. I remember back in the school days, when cable was new and not many people knew about cartoons that aired themselves early in the morning, I was the one that stood out from the crowd. I clearly remember waking up at 04:30 everyday and setting up the VCR to record Transformers which aired at 05:00 then going to school and talking about it to people who in return acknowledge my words with a big question mark above their heads. That was like my early morning ritual everyday just like brushing your teeth. But then my heart broken when they pulled Transformers off the air and replaced it with some other cartoons (which couldn’t be compared to Transformers), which then eventually got pulled off the air for an even more crappy show (which is even worse than the crappy cartoon) and then later on it just went Hindi! (Ok I’ll stop here otherwise it’s profanity all the way ahead). But just like Optimus Prime said, “All is not lost!” it finally arrived. I got my hands on some neat episodes of Transformers and ultimately the movie came out after a very loooooooong anticipated waiting period. 10 for CG, 8 for BMG (because I thought that they would put a lot of the other tracks in the movie instead of the ones they actually used), 6 on the love story between Sam and Makela (which was sad, but who gives a flying F*&^ about that, I just wanted to see the transformers babie). Overall a solid 10 on the WOW meter! Sweet firkin rides – I clearly remember the first movie experience. I yelled my ass off so loud that I was one with the sound system in the theatre. There were other contenders like myself which simply multiplied to the movie experience. It’s nice to be around people who share the same interest like yourself especially in a place where people don’t know where you are coming from and who find it hard to understand what The Matrix was all about. (Yeah go figure?) The only sad part about the movie is that it didn’t get the recognition it deserved. Not many people knew about the movie until they saw it, and after they saw it they were truly more-than-satisfied.

They’ve got a second part to the movie in production but I don’t know how far that is true, nevertheless if it’s gonna release I’ll know exactly what to do… =)

Lost! Life in one moment – Death in the next. One year back Mumbai was sapped of many innocent lives. It’s painful when I sit to think about it. I was walking out of Churchgate station today on my way to work and saw this little shrine like thingie put up in memory of the victims to last years tragic event. I remember that day – I was gonna take the train to Kandivali from Bandra. I decided to leave in the afternoon but got delayed by laziness. On the way to the station at about 17:00ish I decided to take the bus instead. Reached Kandivali at about 18:15 or so and was at a shop buying some XBOX DVD’s when I heard some clown shout that there has been a bombing around close by. He didn’t say where or when. I ignored the fool as she spoke quite causally about it and made it seem like it was a diwali firecracker. I had no clue what that statement actually meant. On my path home, I tried to call my friend Craig since it was his birthday and we were supposed to party that very same night. The networks were down. I got home to Kandivali and then tried dialing his number from the land line but that was no use either. My attention then turned to the TV and that’s when it hit me. I couldn’t believe something of this magnitude had happened. The death toll only rose by the minute and didn’t show signs of stopping at triple digits. My heart beat with fear and then in an instant panic sank in. I tried to call all my dear ones but to no avail. Since the lines were down I decided to text people but all efforts proved futile. In the end all I could do - was pray. I took a rick back home and met up with Craig and his buddies. All we did that night was scrap the party plan, parked on Carters and discussed the shocking event that had taken place. Before we could call it a night we hung our heads down in silence for all the victims and prayed that strength and comfort find their way to the homes of the lives extinguished.

With that being said I would like to reciprocate in that same manner today. I put this post up on my blog in memory of the ones we lost and to the families still in grief of their loss while chugging along with life with pain and hurt. I will never feel nor understand the depths of what it feels like to loose someone to an event so tragic. But when I sit down in all honesty to think about it, it brings a tear to my eye. I pray that the hand of God bring comfort and his power give strength to people who need it the most today.

On a personal note I would also like to say this to the people reading this post. If I know you or have known you in the past, I would like to say I hope you are well and safe. To the people dearest to me – For what it’s worth, Thank You for giving me in the past/ giving in the present all the smiles and joy you bring. I LOVE YOU. Be well always.

Love – Denver.

I didn't want to thank you cause you'll probably take my life so just to show you that i appreciate all that you've done for me over the years i'm putting this post up just for you ma hommie... it was fun catching up with Dheru-beta and yourself yesterday... Oh but i must say thank you for that can of Fosters. You gave it to me at the time when i was so frikin thirsty that i glupped it down too fast and got a frikin buzz... anyways hangin out and chillin' with ya just brought back some sweet old memories... stay in touch ma brudha... you truly are ma brudha from anudha mudha... much love and respect to you brah... much love and respect...

To my past:

I need solace from you in times when I’m down,
But yet instead, you’ll aid to my frown,
Upset and torment me with the words you use,
Instead of comfort, it’s contemptuous mockery and abuse.

Need to run and there’s no where to hide,
I’ve shut you out yet you resound in my mind,
Eager to surface at times when I’m hurt,
Like that shoulder you offered when I was in the dirt.

Confound me that I played blind,
To a few simple words, like you’ll always be mine,
Got played like a fool and never taken seriously,
Should have more control of my own destiny.

A streak on my cheek is something you’ll never see,
Laugh and have fun as I drown in misery,
I see your true colors and still play blind,
Cause every time I see, you upset my mind.

Dam I shouldn’t have walked in the rain,
As each drop fell it brought me some pain,
Like that time we were together making promises and vows,
To that very same moment when we kissed each other’s brows.

Saying that love is divine and love is so true,
Love is what I’ll always share with you,
Love you in sorrow and love you in pain,
Love you so much, alas in vain.



To my present:

Lost and searching for something,
My mind doesn’t seem to rest,
Doesn’t seem that I’ll find it there,
But nevertheless my relentless search continues.

Boredom is so out and over with,
New experiences are close at hand,
With an eager mind I am ready to embrace it,
Read to accept the outcome and consequences,
Read to take on a new challenge.

How would it be to join the dark side?
This light I’m in right now seems to be blinding,
Maybe that’s why I’m unable to see the truth,
I thought that the light would help me see better,
Instead it did just otherwise.

I don’t know what’s there in the dark,
My eagerness grows stronger,
Yet I hold back, am I afraid?
No – I am not afraid.

Who is it? – It’s you,
Me! – We’ve always been together,
Since when, more importantly WHY? – I was taking care of you,
Why? – Because I love you.

I hate you – Why?
Because you held me back – I was only trying to protect you,
From what and why – From you and yourself,
Otherwise you’re dignity would leave you.

You’ve held me back far too long,
I’ve missed out on so much,
Why did you stop me?
I wanted to make mistakes and I wanted to learn.

There was so much I wanted to do and experience,
And you kept pulling me back,
I know every action has a reaction,
I wanted to savor and feel those reactions.

Can’t believe I listened to you all this while,
I did everything you told me to,
I did everything for you,
I forgot myself just because of you.

I don’t need you to guide me anymore,
I’m capable of handling my responsibilities and my decisions,
So please stay away and let me be alone,
I hope you understand this.

Tell me something now that you are here,
When have you let me make my own decisions?
Or have you been in totally control?
Was there ever a time that you let me be myself?

How would you know if my actions were right or wrong?
If you are me and I’m not perfect then how can you distinguish?
Right or wrong?
Good or bad?
Pain or Love?
Suffering or Joy?

And you were out to take care of me?
And you were out to protect me?
Looks like I needed the protection from you,
Rather than my decisions and choices.

Do you even listen to me?
Hello – are you still there?
Answer these questions?
I need answers…

Why did you leave?
Where did you go now?
Great leave when I wanted to know so much more,
I thought you were there to take care of me,
Why did you leave?

You tell me you care about me?
You say that you’ll love and protect me?
Now where did you go?
Where is your love for me?

How can you leave me now?
Why won’t you come back?
Are you just going to leave me alone?
Are you never going to return?

OK, please come back,
I just wanted to be in control for a little while I mean it’s my life,
Maybe I wanted to make mistakes and learn something from it,
Huh what did I just say???
Oh man I see it now.
Hmmm… guess you were just there to protect me.

Man do I feel like and idiot, now that I think about it,
I didn’t mean to come out so harsh,
I’m sorry, let’s start afresh,
What do you say?

Hello, hello… hello… where are you?
Are you there?
Hello… hello… are you there…
Where are you?
Come back please,

Hello… Hello… Hello…

Lost and searching for something,
My mind doesn’t seem to rest,
Doesn’t seem that I’ll find it there,
But nevertheless my relentless search continues – to find myself.

To the one I love,

It’s hard to sit here and think about you, for the simple fact that I am not and can’t be with you now. How I wish it was otherwise and you know I’ll do anything it takes to make you mine. I could never describe in words the way you make me feel but yet I’ll still try… why, because you are worth my time and my efforts. You are worthy to me – you are worthy in my eyes.

Love - to you, I’d never bring discomfort nor pain or sorrow, for I’d be so hurt if that ever came upon you in any form – worst being that it came from me. When I look at you all I can think of is how deeply you’ve gripped my sense. For when I look at you nothing around me matters, nothing around me exists. It’s just you and me – living my minds fantasy. Can a love be so deep and so pure you may ask? Don’t look into my eyes to see the truth instead look into my heart cause that’s where you reside, that’s where you are in me, that’s where I’ll keep you safe, eternally. When I look at you I don’t blink – firstly because I want to savor your sight in all it’s glory. Secondly, because I fear that you may be gone in the blink of an eye and I’d be left there standing alone searching for you till you re-appear… if you re-appear… how I wish you were here. Tell me you don’t see the love I have for you in the way I look at you, the way I see you, the way I touch you and the way I feel you. Tell me that you don’t see the way I yearn for you, the way I crave for you, the way I beg to be with you, the way I NEED YOU. It’ll drive me insane when I see you in another man’s arms for the simple fact that I feel that I’d be able to treat you much better. I haven’t seen all the men you’ve been with but have got a glimpse of the way they treat you. From the way I see it, they only used you as an object of desire. I can hear it in your voice. But trust me baby to me you are much, much more. You are a lady, a woman, designed down to the smallest detail of perfection by “the maker”. You are graceful when you move – I can tell cause you make heads spin and jaws drop in awe. You are beautiful – if I’m not being too upfront then I must say that I’m talking about your body. The way you are curved not just in the right places, but in all places. I’ve run my hands over you and I must say you feel fabulous. It drives me insane that I can’t touch you enough nor kiss you enough. Please forgive me my love if I’ve said anything just now to upset you but do realize that I say this in the most dignifying manner. I respect you and would never treat you in a way undignifying. I respect you and would only treat you right. Maybe them other men may have made you feel special and treated you the way you liked, but if I had a chance, you know I’d make you feel special and loved… if only I had one chance. Nevertheless love, I can only wish you were mine. But I’ll tell you this - with you in my mind I’m work my way up to success and it’s only a matter of time before I can come and ask for you. I just hope you can wait a little bit longer, it’s a risk for you I know seeing as how time slips by for you and your time is up, but think about this… here I am my sweet willing to spend the remainder of my life with only you – I’m dead sure about this. I’m going as fast as I can, I just hope it’s not too late when I’m up and successful and you won’t be around with me to share not mine but our happiness. It would hurt me to the core. Nevertheless love, I’ll hope against hope, in a race against time, for you my love, to be only mine.

I love you Nissan Skyline GT-R VSpec II Nur…. =D

Bike Trippin’

All he did was think about how they were going to get to Kharghar as he sat on his crotch rocket with a blank expression on his face - lost in thought - plotting a course waiting for Sunshine to arrive. Outkast was totally pepped up for this ride as he had never done anything like this before. His wait was short lived as Sunshine arrived sooner than expected. “Shall we?” he said to Sunshine while she put on her little beanie cap and made herself comfy on the bike. “Yes, we shall!”

And so they embarked upon their amazing trip to Lonavala 13th April 2007 to 15th April 2007, one not likely to be forgotten so easily by all those who made the trip a reality.

As the journey commenced Sunshine called up a buddy Momas since it was his birthday to wish him and ask him whether they could go over to his crib. Outkast and Sunshine were supposed to trail along with two other friends, Premooty and Gyaani Baba but them guys were gonna get off late from work. They trailed all the way from Bandra 13th Friday in the evening laughing and playing re-defined antakshari. Re-defined antakshari was nothing but Sunshine singing Hindi songs while Outkast sang only English songs. They made it to Nerul railway station in real good time. Another call to Momas was made and instead of getting directions to his crib they got directions to an eatery called Indian Spice somewhere in Sector 4. They reached Indian Spice after probably visiting all the places surrounding the restaurant and waited for Momas and his wife Judith to arrive. Time flew by and eventually they get a call asking Outkast and Sunshine to head over to another restaurant at C.B.D. Belapur. Once again Outkast and Sunshine journeyed on towards their new destination with Outkast pondering whether Lonavala was going to happen that night itself. The wait at the restaurant at C.B.D. Belapur was even longer than the previous wait and poor Sunshine was famished. Outkast and Sunshine were about to waltz in and get themselves some refreshments when Sunshine’s eye caught Momas on the other side of the road. The ride along with Momas gave the antakshari session a break while Outkast and Sunshine sang “The Happy Birthday” song to Momas. While at Momas’ crib, Jane called up to find out about our whereabouts. Sunshine filled her in on the details, that being, the wait at Momas’ crib was for a quick dinner (which apparently turned out to be really long as dinner arrived about an hour after we did) and a pitstop for 2 other contenders for the ride – Gyaani Baba and Premooty. During the wait Outkast pulled out his cell phone and introduce Judith and Momas to the wonderful world of “The Family Guy”. The couple were quite interested and took a fondness to the episode on Outkast’ cellular. Nevertheless the sequence of events did unfold as chalked but it just took way too long. The other two contenders arrive and then there was a chat session with drinks and smokes. Gyaani Baba tried to work his charm of swindling Momas into taggin along with us to Lonavala but alas, all his efforts proved futile as a single look from Judith coupled with a few sentences decimated all of Gyaani Baba’s work. As the night unfolded, continuing with the trip started to look weary. The decision to continue or not was being debated upon. Then in one sheer moment of indecisiveness a resolution to continue was passed and Gyaani Baba, Sunshine, Outkast and Premooty along with his beer held tight and still 2/3rd remaining departed for Lonavala.

Riding in the darkness with just their headlights revealing the road, our riders tread onwards into the dark abyss. It was not before long where the booze in Gyaani Baba’ and Premooty’s system wanted out. A quick pit stop to relive themselves along with a smoke was all they required to get their groove back on the road. The weather got cooler and the ride got a lot more interesting when the Ghats approached. The weather got to Gyaani Baba as he took off with his crotch rocket and whizzed away leaving Premooty and Outkast along with Sunshine cruising far behind him. Premooty, Outkast and Sunshine did make a stop before they could descend the ghats. Why? Because of what they saw before them. Up on them ghats they saw what most of us see in movies. An entire town completely lit amidst the darkness that surrounded our riders. It was breath-takingly surreal.

Down the ghats and into Lonavala our riders stretched onwards as their destination was fast approaching. Gyaani Baba was unclear about the location of the place where Tarzan and Jane were at. Sunshine did try to voice her directions but it fell on deaf ears. Eventually after a 15 min search and a last resort phone call to Jane, they found the place. It was so late in the night that our riders had to jump over the fencing to get to Tarzan and Jane. They decided to relax for a bit before they could all hit the sack but apparently the lil bit resulted into an amazing and hilarious chat session which lasted right through the wee-hours of the night into dawn. Tarzan and Jane hit the sack whilst our riders discussed various issues about the ride with some soft Hindi music as BGM. Everyone hit the sack early next morning.

The next day as the sun came out, so did Jane, Tarzan and Sunshine. Outkast, Gyaani Baba and Premooty were sloshed and decided to wake up later on as their bodies finally got the well deserved rest they required. When everyone was up, which was something close to lunchtime they all decided to have some tea. A few vada-pav’s, some omlettes and cutting chai was for breakfast. All of them just lazed around playing rummy and listening to English music for sometime and then decided to head out for lunch. None of the guys were feeling hungry but the girls had an appetite which needed to be satisfied. A decision to beat the heat with ice-cream was arrived at and with that in mind they all ventured out. Enjoying their popsicles the women’s eyes fell on some clothing and they abandoned the men. Shopping never appealed to the guys and so they decided to go sit at a restaurant and order some grub. The women joined them later and lunch happened with alotta laughs and wise-crack by both sexes. After lunch they all headed back to the crib to decide on where they should all go in the evening. Tarzan, Jane and Outkast hit the sack after the meal while Sunshine, Gyaani Baba and Premooty were in the hall conversing. Evening saw some pretty nasty change in plans. Tarzan and Jane had to leave as Tarzan had work to attend to and Jane chose to follow suite along with him. The other’s felt kinda weird being there with just themselves minus the fleeing couple’s presence and tried to convince them to stay back – but alas they decided to leave and it was with a sigh of sorrow that Gyaani Baba, Premooty, Sunshine and Outkast bid farewell to Tarzan and Jane. The evening was still young and plans to go biking were all set. Before they could embark on their journey unknown a pitstop was made to fill their growling tummies before the ride. A nice long ride was made away from Lonavala toward Pune with thoughts about whether they should actually make their way to Pune on their minds. They rode far into the abyss and stopped before a few ghats to head back to Lonavala. Gyaani Baba’s eyes fell on a path that one usually sees in movies and they decided to go for a walk. The path had eucalyptus trees growing on either side and alotta dried leaves on the path between. They decided to pick up some leaves and burn them at home to relieve the crib of mosquitoes. They headed back to Lonavala and walked around the market pondering on whether they should have dinner or just thrive on junk food. The second option won their votes and they strolled around having juices and chaat. Premooty got him some drinks and then they all went back to the crib for a quick pit stop. Lazing around with a few cigi’s and booze Premooty felt that another late night ride was not logical as we would require the rest for the ride back to Bombay the next day. Gyaani Baba and Outkast put their foot down and in his mouth and dragged him for the ride irrespective of his status – that being drunk or sober. This last ride towards a dhaba for grub was the icing on the cake. By far nothing else in the entire trip amounted to the satisfaction each of them received dining at the dhaba close to mid-night. The food they ate that night was something words would never be able to describe – it was that deliciously satisfying. Serving them in the traditional dhaba style cot, outside in the parking lot under the night sky was just perfect to the last detail. These memories will surely not be forgotten by any of them easily. After that session they all head back to the crib to get some rest but alas, the last night proved to be a sleepless night for each of them. The eucalyptus leaves that were burnt prior to their last night ride did an amazing job of – not driving out but instead welcoming the mosquitoes.

All up and ready to depart Gyaani Baba took some amazing footage of the early morning ambience outside the cribs balcony whilst the rest of the yet sleepy lot staggered to their feet. Each of them wishing that the night could have lasted a little longer. All up and ready they got themselves some tea and then bid goodbye to Lonavala. The ride back to Bombay was quite relaxed and fast. All the way back they each reminisced the best parts of the trip and hoped that a trip like this would be not be a thing of the past.

Last night was one of the best nights in my life... I finally finally FINALLY got my hands on Gran Turismo 4 - The Real Driving Simulator by Polyphony Digital. By far this has got to be one of the best driving simulators I’ve ever got my hands on. They have literally squeezed every ounce of processing power the PS2 can belch out. Awesome graphics, Awesome game play, Awesome cars, Awesome tracks, AWESOME FRIKIN GAME. I was so frikin happy yesterday that I almost cried tears of joy. I have been searching for this game for almost a year and last night the search was over. Been gaming like an addict today morning. Had a sweet 3 hour session in the morning commencing 05:30 and winding up at 08:30... I coulda kept at it but I had to come to work. Vilas buddie, I'ma gonna practice like crazie man and then when you get down here, we WILL do the endurance races for sure. I still can't get over the fact that I actually own my very own copy of GT4. It was quite accidental when I think about it. I was treading along with someone (secret) just skimping around tryin to do something different and we causally waltzed into this electronics shop at Malad called Croma. She was looking around at cellulars whilst I went gaga over music systems. I stumbled upon the Sony PS2 section and saw a couple of titles priced at Rs. 1499 onwards. I thought that if I ever saw GT4 priced that high I’d be heartbroken for sure. Then it appeared! Snuggled at the last row, hidden under shelves of highly priced titles, nestled in almost total darkness and showing signs of collecting dust – she stared at me. I lost my breath! – I couldn’t think, I couldn’t hear, it was like just GT4 and me – nothing else! That was the moment. Lasted for 5 seconds before I yelled my ass off when I realized that she was priced at a comfy Rs.999/-. I was in 2 minds whether Delton had already purchased GT4 because he said that he was going to buy the title. I took a risk and purchased it. Finally when I got possession of the title I rushed back to the counter where I had purchased it and played it for a bit. Felt so firkin good. I was so high that I actually bored my pillion’s views and thoughts to oblivion with my GT4 talks and jargon. I’m sorry hun but I was just so happy and it’s all thanks to you that I got my hands on something I’ve been waiting for, for such a long time. Anyways I flicked my brothers PS2 and then gamed today morning. The satisfaction I feel right now is indescribable. Feels good… Feels so frikin good… Feels wonderful… swweeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt!!! =D

I thought I was strong, but alas I got slapped with reality all too soon as my cheeks were paved with my emotions. I tried so hard to control myself but failed. How did I fail? How did I fall? I hate this… it’s just too painful to see me fall. Need to pickup and take off soon or else I’ll be there for a while. Can’t remember the last time I broke down like this. Thought it would never happen again. I don’t feel completely broken though, because I had comfort with me through my trying hour. Came from the most unlikely place. Came in its truest sense. Came and calmed my troubled soul. In that embrace there was so much of joy yet for every ounce of joy I received there was an equal amount of sorrow that followed. I don’t even know what broke me down in the first place. Was it the truth? Was it just reality? Was it both? For the first time in my life I felt pain and joy together at the same place. I can’t describe it, nor explain it. But pushing aside the sorrow, I can surely say that what I felt was bliss in all it’s glory. An experience never to be forgotten.

On the flip side, I feel my thinkig has matured in a few ways. Have been looking at things in a different light, a new POV one may say. Perception of a situation in different lights is quite interesting in a way. Gives me a better outlook of how I can alter my thoughts. I’ve been too rigid with things and situations. I feel like branching out and exploring my various characteristics as a person. Going to focus on new directions, new possibilities, new opportunities, new situations, new emotions, new feelings and new challenges. I will venture out into the unknown, not because I want to overcome my fear but because I want to know and learn something new. Yes I may stumble and fall but picking up from where I left off is a challenge. Yes I may not understand what I’ll be getting myself into, but nevertheless I am ready to take on whatever comes my way. You never know what awaits you on the other side if you don’t go there to find out. I never knew how good it felt to earn my own money, I got a job and found out – it felt really good. I never knew what it felt like to be yelled at, when I goofed up, I confessed and I got what I deserved – I felt really bad. I never understood the whole relationship angle, got into 3 relationships and found out so many things – I felt joy, sorrow, peace and most of all LOVE. Life is teaching me all this and so much more. I’ve been rigid in not opening and embracing these lessons and experiences. I’ve realized that now and so welcome it. Yes life may hurt me as well, but life also teaches me how to take care of myself.

Instead of attain equilibrium I’ve managed to attain delirium at this point in my life. I’ve become so delirious that I am unable to keep a stable head on my shoulder. Just got barraged with so many ordeals in my life that I actually am quite lost. I’ve been starring at not only the big picture but at all the pictures that can be put up onto that BIG WALL. While everyone’s looking at Big Pictures, I have been looking at the BIG WALL. There’s so much I want to achieve in my life and there’s so much I need to do NOW. Friends tell me that it’s ok, you still have time. Time??? There’s never enough TIME. I’ve already wasted so much of my TIME on pondering over senseless and baseless situations and events. All I can do now is to improvise on the situation I’ve got myself into currently. I’ve been giving due consideration to a lot of stuff with respect to my career and job. Well for starters I’m glad that I’ve got an income to sustain my level of existence, but this again is only a momentary thing. Eventually the income I draw today isn’t going to suffice for tomorrow’s needs (screw the wants). Bottom line is I need to start. Guess I’ve already started. What next? That’s where my dilemma arises.

These thoughts above were exactly what ran through my brains for an entire day, which apparently didn’t seem like it was going to end. I then kinda just head out for some fresh air to clear my head of these thoughts before I lost all control of sanity. Not that I am going to let go of these thoughts at all, I just needed a break. Sometimes I truly tax myself to the core. I resent putting myself through these kind of phases but nevertheless if I don’t then I tend to loose focus of my prime objectives – that being INDEPENDENT and a SUCCESSFUL PROVIDER (in all aspects).

It's really painful when all Good Things come to an END!!! >=( (OUCH!!!)

It's really painful when all Good Things come to an END!!! >=(

MTV - Liftman - What Is MTV

Do you know what it is the MTV???

MTV - One Tight Slap

Hahaha... Vilas put this one up just for ya buddie!! >=D

The Fast And The Furious - Race Wars

Here's something that'll make you ladies smile with Pride. >=)

The Fast And The Furious - Supra & Ferrari Drag

Painful, but I love the way the Supra SMOKED the Ferrari!!! Love the BGM - (artist) Salive - Superstar (title) ENJOY!!!

Whose Line Is It Anyway - Trashmen - The Musical

This is a hilarious show and one of my favourites. Too bad they pulled it off the air... >=(

MTV - Tumhare paas kya hai

This by far is one of the most hilarious ads that has come on MTV. I laughed my frikin ass off when i first saw this one... >=D

Titus - You Have The Right To Remain Dead

This is a clip from the TV Show Titus.

The AXE Pulse Ad

The AXE Pulse Ad... I like the BGM they've put in this ad.

The Wall Kiss

This here is one of my great achievements...

Botheß not my sweet,
foß eveßytime i get close,
my mind attains peace,
hence, tis you that i chose.

I hug you so tight,
and you wondeß why i do so,
being honest with you hun,
you, i'd neveß let go.

Just the thought of loosing you,
gives me a scaße,
this soul will be lonely,
if you weße not theße.

And afteß so long,
i found something so tßue,
i'm oveßwhelmed with joy,
to find myself in you.

Last but not least,
i can count on heß to be theße,
spell out the capitals,
and you have my veßsion that spells caße.

I’ve been contemplating about a few events that have occurred in my life ever since the New Years swung around. Quite frankly I do not know what to write at this point in time. I wanted to blog last night but for some odd reason, (which I am unable to recall at this moment) I did not. Considering my emotional state at this time, I feel quite lonely and drained of power to progress ahead mentally. There are a few things on my mind that I want to discuss and talk about, but, much to my dismay, I am unable to find the right person to approach. I had gone for a friend’s reception yesterday. Saw the couple finally take the plunge and lock themselves down to a life of commitment towards each other after 6 years of a serious relationship. Relationship – well to me it means a bond between two or more individuals. What kinds of relationships do exist? I’ve come across so many relationships in my life and yet some relations are so hard to define while some are very easy. I share relationships that I find very difficult to understand and wonder what it’s all about after all. Clarity in my life is of utmost importance. Clarity is what helps me understand things better and I am able to reciprocate, through my actions and words, appropriately. A friend once said that the definition of any relationship can never actually be pinned or chalked out; it’s dynamic and never static. Come to think about it, it’s true. A relationship grows and matures over time. The bond strengthens or weakens depending on the amount of efforts made and put into the relationship. This is where my dilemma surfaces. I am not a person who has difficulty understanding the relationships I share with people; it’s just that there are times I need a little bit of clarification to understand my intent of the relationship shared. I think about a few of my friends and miss them a lot. Unfortunately, my rage has over-powered my emotions resulting into me completely shutting them out of my life. {Note for clarification: the people who I still converse with are the ones exempted =)} When I sit to ponder over these people all I can think about is how dependent I am when it comes to them. Everybody needs somebody in their life, some relation other than the one you share with yourself and family (that, is one relationship that I haven’t given any importance – the relationship with myself that is, family? – that’s a completely different subject which I choose not to discuss, simply because it doesn’t exist for me - yet). I wish Russell, Craig or Vilas were here to talk too. So need these guys back to talk to. There is a pain that fathoms deep within my soul and keeps hurting me, eventually resulting in tears or sleepless nights (not that I have erupted but feel like it’s on the brink of eruption). But you’ll never see me shed them tears… that’s me!!!

What am i doing? Why am i doing what i do?... >=(

2006 ended, and the beginning of 2007 was one of the best New Years ever. I've never felt so nice and happy in quite a long time and it was all because of the person you see in this picture. Rice I ____ YOU!!! Happy New Year.

There are so many questions that I wanted to be answered in the past, but they were not answered. Later on in life they get answered and you say, well you got the answer to your question, are you not happy now? I ask you, why now and not then? What is the point in having an ice-cream that has already melted? Why am I getting these questions in my head now? I mean all this while nothing bothered me. But now everything is surfacing to me all at once. In all honesty I have become weak emotionally. Tears come to me in an instant. I feel like I have entered into a depression zone. I hate this place. The one who wiped my tears apparently has gone adrift. If you say that you need to pick yourself up and make the walk alone. Well then fuck you and your view. It’s easier said than done, if you put yourself in my shoes. Be a little more sensitive to other people’s feelings.

Now I have no firkin clue as to why I had these lines in my head last night???