To my past:

I need solace from you in times when I’m down,
But yet instead, you’ll aid to my frown,
Upset and torment me with the words you use,
Instead of comfort, it’s contemptuous mockery and abuse.

Need to run and there’s no where to hide,
I’ve shut you out yet you resound in my mind,
Eager to surface at times when I’m hurt,
Like that shoulder you offered when I was in the dirt.

Confound me that I played blind,
To a few simple words, like you’ll always be mine,
Got played like a fool and never taken seriously,
Should have more control of my own destiny.

A streak on my cheek is something you’ll never see,
Laugh and have fun as I drown in misery,
I see your true colors and still play blind,
Cause every time I see, you upset my mind.

Dam I shouldn’t have walked in the rain,
As each drop fell it brought me some pain,
Like that time we were together making promises and vows,
To that very same moment when we kissed each other’s brows.

Saying that love is divine and love is so true,
Love is what I’ll always share with you,
Love you in sorrow and love you in pain,
Love you so much, alas in vain.



To my present:

Lost and searching for something,
My mind doesn’t seem to rest,
Doesn’t seem that I’ll find it there,
But nevertheless my relentless search continues.

Boredom is so out and over with,
New experiences are close at hand,
With an eager mind I am ready to embrace it,
Read to accept the outcome and consequences,
Read to take on a new challenge.

How would it be to join the dark side?
This light I’m in right now seems to be blinding,
Maybe that’s why I’m unable to see the truth,
I thought that the light would help me see better,
Instead it did just otherwise.

I don’t know what’s there in the dark,
My eagerness grows stronger,
Yet I hold back, am I afraid?
No – I am not afraid.

Who is it? – It’s you,
Me! – We’ve always been together,
Since when, more importantly WHY? – I was taking care of you,
Why? – Because I love you.

I hate you – Why?
Because you held me back – I was only trying to protect you,
From what and why – From you and yourself,
Otherwise you’re dignity would leave you.

You’ve held me back far too long,
I’ve missed out on so much,
Why did you stop me?
I wanted to make mistakes and I wanted to learn.

There was so much I wanted to do and experience,
And you kept pulling me back,
I know every action has a reaction,
I wanted to savor and feel those reactions.

Can’t believe I listened to you all this while,
I did everything you told me to,
I did everything for you,
I forgot myself just because of you.

I don’t need you to guide me anymore,
I’m capable of handling my responsibilities and my decisions,
So please stay away and let me be alone,
I hope you understand this.

Tell me something now that you are here,
When have you let me make my own decisions?
Or have you been in totally control?
Was there ever a time that you let me be myself?

How would you know if my actions were right or wrong?
If you are me and I’m not perfect then how can you distinguish?
Right or wrong?
Good or bad?
Pain or Love?
Suffering or Joy?

And you were out to take care of me?
And you were out to protect me?
Looks like I needed the protection from you,
Rather than my decisions and choices.

Do you even listen to me?
Hello – are you still there?
Answer these questions?
I need answers…

Why did you leave?
Where did you go now?
Great leave when I wanted to know so much more,
I thought you were there to take care of me,
Why did you leave?

You tell me you care about me?
You say that you’ll love and protect me?
Now where did you go?
Where is your love for me?

How can you leave me now?
Why won’t you come back?
Are you just going to leave me alone?
Are you never going to return?

OK, please come back,
I just wanted to be in control for a little while I mean it’s my life,
Maybe I wanted to make mistakes and learn something from it,
Huh what did I just say???
Oh man I see it now.
Hmmm… guess you were just there to protect me.

Man do I feel like and idiot, now that I think about it,
I didn’t mean to come out so harsh,
I’m sorry, let’s start afresh,
What do you say?

Hello, hello… hello… where are you?
Are you there?
Hello… hello… are you there…
Where are you?
Come back please,

Hello… Hello… Hello…

Lost and searching for something,
My mind doesn’t seem to rest,
Doesn’t seem that I’ll find it there,
But nevertheless my relentless search continues – to find myself.